Holey cow long time no write. Thought I might give this whole blog thing another go as I need a bit of a venting post right now. Not that I think anyone reads my blog anymore. LOL..

Life has changed a whole lot. We sold the house at 4 Smyth Close which broke my heart but also gave me a chance for a new start. Feels so wierd knowing someone else is living in our little home that we built with so many dreams in mind.

I am now engaged though still married to Jamie. LOL Dont ask me if that is even legal. LOL. HIs name is Phillip and he has 4 beautiful kiddies. We have had a rough few months in and out of court against his ex and trying to get him to see his kids. There has been a lot of ups and downs and tears.

I have a lost a few freinds along the way and my mum and dad dont really talk to me either because of Phillip but I have just come to the conclusion that its my life and I need to live it how I want to. Roxy doesnt even talk to me anymore and its been a few months since we have really seen her. Its so sad and breaks my heart every day to know we are not worth it.

The kids are growing up sooo fast. Hollie has lost and gained 2 teeth. She is off to big school next year. So exciting.... Cant beleive how big she is... Thomas is a wild little boy with a beautiful personality and a huge heart..

Its 3am and the rain is teaming down on the roof. Smells and sounds sooo awesome.

Lets hope I can get back in to blogging....

Well lots happening here again.....

Thomas turned two last week can you beleive it.. My precious little baby is 2. He had a lovely bday and got spoilt. Absolutely loved his scooter. It was a total hit.. Was a hard day for me. Jamie came over for lunch and cake but it just felt so wierd that we arent together.





Jamie has told me that we are over. He has met another girl and is getting to know her. Ive been begging him to come back and going totally insane and pyscho with jelousy. I cant control and it seems so god damn stupid. I went to counselling the other day which really helped and I have moved my focus back onto me. I have never been alone in my life. I have gone from relationship to relationship. I dont know how to be with myself, and how to love myself. I have so much work to do on this and I am really starting to look forward to the journey of finding me.

I went out with the girls on the weekend and had an awesome time. We had soo much fun. They make me laugh so hard and that feels really really good to have no worries and just laugh about stuff. I did have a little minor bump in the road during the night and rang jay with abuse and sent lots of text messages. I wont be doing this anymore though. Im moving forward.

My cousin is being induced at the moment with her first baby. Im so excited for her and her husband. What a new and daunting experience it will be for them. A new baby brings sooo many changes. I dont think we ever really connected after we had our kids. Sounds really wierd and ironic but now I think back, I think after Hollie was born we started to drift away. Maybe it was something to do with the extra responsibility and her being a difficult baby then starting the IVF for Thomas when she was 12 months and we were still dealing with her being a shit baby. Maybe we just took all too fast, and forgot about us along away.

Must go cause i have a kid free night and I dont feel the best so off to watch a dvd and chill out....

Oh well here I am back in the land of the blog.... Can you beleive I have been AWOL this long.... NO...

Things are still a little complicated in my little ole life at the moment but hey im still here....

Jamie and I are still seperated.. Coming up to 6 months now. Still doing counselling and have just started some sessions together. We really havent been talking much of a late and its really quite wierd. It went from him still coming up every day to now nothing. He hasnt even really rang in the last 2 weeks to talk to the kids. He has been in Tamworth for baseball and we just see him when he picks the kids up... Very strange and not sure how I feel about it all.

A good thing that has happened is ive lost 13 kilos.... Been doing a shake diet for about 3 months and though the weight is slow to come off im happy with how it is going.. Only 17kilos to go to goal weight... Ive found that my stomach has shrunk so much that even if I do eat meals I can only eat half as much... Here is a before and after I made up to put on facebook.... ive actually lost another kilo since that after photo..
Last week was my bday and it was the most miserable day ever.. I was just soo low and emotional.. I cried from the time i woke up. Jay came and took the kids, I couldnt even function to dress the kids..... I got no presents, no cake, my car broke down and a heap of other shit happened that i cant talk about.... It totally sucked... LOL..

I also got a new car last week.. Was so sick of all the shit going wrong with my bomb and dad was too so dad paid to get me a car and im just paying him off what i would pay the bank... Pretty good car for what we paid.. Will have to get a photo of me with it.. Its a Hyundai sonata that has been so well looked after. Only has 90,000 klm on it and he just put 2 new tyres on it.. Electric windows ( ive never had those) LOL... SO far the kids have helped in keeping it tidy inside we will see how long that lasts... LOL..

I was working on a calendar at the end of last year with the local family support group.. God that worked out to be a HUGE job with lots of hours and long nights. I was sooo stressed out by the end of it I was glad to see it printed. Its been a huge success and lots of wonderful feedback about my photos. There was a launch at the local civic theatre with all the images on the big screen. I was interviewed for the local news which was a bit embarrassing. Mum and dad came to teh launch and kept telling me how proud they were of me so that was really nice.. I will upload some photos of the calendar another day...

Thomas and HOllie are growing like weeds.. Cant beleive miss Hollie is nearly 5.. WOW... Not sure how she feels about Jay and i seperating. She likes to say she hates me when she gets in trouble and start crying for daddy but other then that she doesnt seem to disturbed by it all. I think she prefers us not fighting all the time, and this way she actually gets to spend tim ewith daddy when he has weekends...

Thomas will be 2 in a couple of weeks. wahhhhhhh.. This time 2 years ago I was in hospital. Thats just flown by.. He is such a funny hilrious little person. I just adore him.. He loves to swing upside down from everthing, climbs everything, destroys everything.. LOL...

I dont want to have blog exhuastion from one post.. LOL.. so ill leave it at that and now try to keep up again.. Didnt mean to leave it so long but catching up kinda felt too hard at the time....

Arent kids just sooo amazing.... ..
They are just little sponges..

I love the age Thomas is at. THe new things he is learning the funny things he does... He has a few new words, says Dora, cold, hot, pop, zahlia, door, bottle, bath, shower, tar, car... Before when I ran the bath he went and grabbed his ear plugs for me to put in for him. I love when they do stuff like that. He loves to unpack the table and is soo proud of himself when he puts things away. So so cute..

Today we ended up at hospital cause he had asthma attack. he was soo good while we were there. Poor little possum was really struggling. They wanted to keep him in but i begged to manage him at home. They said yes on the provado ( is that a word or did i just make it up) that if he needs nebs under 3 hourly he has to go back. We only just made the 3 hours last time but I think that the prendisone has kicked in now and he seems to be doing a lot better.

Hollie went with Daddy tonight just in case I had to head back to the hospital Shes really funny lately about our fighting. Whenever we start she tells me to zip it and stop it. She must be so sick of it. I try not to fight in front of them but its all we seem to do at teh moment..

I have had a rough few days with lots of crying. When i was really sobbing yesterday, Hollie came up to me and said " Mums arent supposed to cry" then was telling me just to breath in ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and out ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... HOw gorgeous is that. Kids are just so amazing sometimes...


Ive been going out a fair bit of late and getting a wee bit feral and doing idiotic things.. Im wondering if the alcohol has to do with the feeling really down. It happens usually the sunday monday Tuesday, so maybe it is a side effect of alcohol and anti depressents.

I must update more often. Its so therupeautic writing down the thoughts that are going through my mind. Lots of stuff I need to put on a private journal though cause I hold back on what i write in here at times and I really need to get the stuff out there...

BFN

Here come the tears... Today is fall apart day....

I just dont know what to do. I feel like im stuck in limbo. Jay and I just cant talk to each other. Its so sad cause we were so in love once. I just want us back to how it used to be.

I feel so alone. I feel so unloved. My heart hurts.....

I dont know how this is going to end up. I really want to be a family again. I dont want my kids having to spend xmas in two places.

Hollie asked jay earlier if we can have a family lunch tommorrow. HOw sweet. Today while i sobbed she wrapped her little arms around me and told me it would be ok.....

Ok time to update ( i keep getting an ear bashing).. LOL..

Hollie is driving me insane.. LOL.. HOw will i cope with another year of her at home. She is bored I think and I kinda of try and avoid having to entertain her ( bad bad mummy) I just seem to have so much else to do then play ( thats really bad isnt it :( ).

She had allergy testing re done on Friday to see if she had grown out of any. I was really hoping the peanut allergy was gone.. Its actualy over doubled... I could have cried. She has grown out of soy and shellfish, but now has an allergy to hazlenut, cashew, really bad one to cats and 2 types of dust mite. He said the allergen things in her nose were soooo swollen. SHe could hardly even talk she was so blocked up when we saw him so I gues that was a good thing.. She is now on Zyrtec for at least 6 weeks, Nasonex nasal spray and fess nasal spray twice a day to try and take the swelling down. I also have to get her a new mattres and matress cover to try and control the dust mites. This could be one of the reasons she cant sleep.... Lets keep our fingers crossed.

Thomas is a bloody funny child... Just hilarious. Full of life and personailty. His talking has just come along so much since the grommits went in. His favourite thing to say is "oh god" and he says Mum, dad, nan, pop, more, zahlia ( freinds baby) and I think he said cold the other day. SOO cute... He wanted me to put him on the toilet the other day. Im not ready for my baby to toilet train.. LOL... He thinks its hilarious sitting up there. Doesnt do anything till he gets off and I put nappy back on but he obviously knows what its for cause he pats his butt and gets me to put him up there.

He also decided he wanted his hair up yetserday. LOL bought me a hair band and brush and pulled his hair up on top to show me what he wanted. LOL.. DAG.. He is so cuddly and loves to snuggle his mumma. Just such a beautiful little boy but such a rougue as well. Loves to run on the raod and climb and have me chase after him as he escapes from the maccas play room once the door is opened.. Nearly gives his godmother a heart attack...lol.

Jay and I are still seperated... 6 weeks today.. OMG thats crazy. We were getting on well then we kinda got snappy again ( did coincide with PMT though)... Friday night he got really pissed and couldnt work saturday morning so Im really really really mad about that. THe amount of times i have asked him to take a satruday morning off so we can go away for the weekend and he carries on like I asked him to cut of his leg. then he drinks too much and cant work... ARGH...

Lastnight I went to the movies with Rox and watched Baby mama.. It was pretty good and I was sooo nodding my head at the start with a lot of the stuff. Roxys eyes nearly popped out of her head when they implanted the embryo with the big long catheter thing, when i told her thats really how big it is.. LOL.. too funny. Zahli bear came with us and she was sooo good she sat wide eyed and watched the movie. Party animal she is.. LOL.

THursday was Father in laws anniversary of his death. I just cant get my head around the fact it was a year ago. I was supposed to go out to a fundraiser thing but I chose to go and have dinner with Jay, his mum and sister and the kids. Was nice but very wierd knowing what we had been doing the previous year.

In very sad news Sister in law and her Hubby broke up yesterday. They were married 4 days after her dads death. The year has been hard and long for them and He finally made the split yesterday. Tommorrow is there one year anniversary of marraige so Its going to be a really tough day for sal... I think it will be for the best but I know how hard it is to get your head around it.....

I photographed a gorgeous wedding in Narrabri last weekend. Still going through all the photos. The bride was sooo gorgeous.. Ill pop some on here when im done....

Have to add this hilarious photo of Thomas.. This stretch sticker is off Hollies new top. She gave it to Thomas and look where he stuck it.. LOL.. He is just too funny. Check out how funny he thought it was when i grabbed the camera.. LOL.

Just running through to show this pic.... I took the second pic of Thomas yesterday and it looks exactly like my favourite pic of him when he was in the SCN....

Went out last night with the girls from playgroup for dinner. Was a nice night with no kids and being able to sit and talk and eat your meal in peace. THe girls all piked out and went home so I went to the regal on my own. VERY SAD i know.. Danced a fair bit and caught up with an old freind who is actually getting married next weekend. I love dancing but gee I feel so old with all the 18 year olds. I feel so fat and frumpy and blergh..... I got home at about 2:30, cranked teh music, cracked a beer and had a party on my own. LOL.. Finally got to bed at 4am.

Jay bought the kids back at 11am. Thomas was so excited when he saw me through the screen door. Was kinda like he had forgotten me and then saw me and realised I still existed. Was really cute. He looks so grown up even after just 2 days.. Where has my baby gone.

Jay and I have actually been quite nice to each other today and a few cuddles. He is asleep on the lounge at the moment.....

Here is a few photos of the kiddies I took a couple of weekends ago....

Jay has the kids until Sunday. I didnt really want Thomas to go for 2 nights cause I have never been apart from him before but Jay said I had to let go.....

Im lost

Its been a really hard week. I feel like my heart just keeps breaking over and over again...

Lots of panic attacks and feeling so so heavy hearted... I feel like im hurting all over. Im trying so hard.....

Started some emotional release counselling today. Was in there for over 2 hours. LOl. I did something called sandplay where you play wiht your hands in the sand until you form something. You just let your mind run free and your hands go where they want to. Then you select some symbols from the cabinet and place them on your sand art. The symbols I chose were a pg transparent lady with a baby in her belly, A grim reaper, a statue of people ebracing and a naked women. We talked about what these meant in my life and what they symbolise. Its very interesting.

In the session we also talk about our own birth. It is thought that the process of our birth can have a huge imapct on our life. If the birth was long and difficult we may have felt hopeless and like there was no way back and no way forward. Hard to explain but so interesting...

Jamie took Hollie tonight for a sleepover.. She misses him so much. Poor Thomas Fell off the treadmill tonight. he was swinging on it like a monket and fell and smacked his mouth. It wasnt as bad as it could have been......

Heres a few pics I took last week in the park.. and a couple of hols new hair cut.

OK i really need to update....

Jamie and I are still seperated. Im not sure what is going to happen or how it will work out in the end. Last week when i walked out of my counselling session he was waiting in the waiting room for his session and when he saw me he burst in to tears. He said he was ok till he saw me. We hugged and had a little talk and then I left so he could go to his session. Im not sure if it helped or not.

I have been making a really huge effort to fix the things he is saying that are the reason he goes out drinking and doenst want to be around me. I dont feel like he has made any effort. The frist weekend after he moved out, he went out. I had a huge panic attack and rang his mums looking for him and she said he was out. That was at 2am. I was so hurt.

On the weekend I had to work taking some photos and then I went out. Jays mum had the kids when i first left and he was supposed to take over after baseball. He never turned up. I saw him at the regal and he tried to dirty dance with me. We had a few fights and tehn he dissapeared. At the end of the night i tried to find him and he was gone so I thought he had just gone back to my house where the kids were but when i got there his mum hadnt seen him. She was a bit worried about him I think, but when she got home in the morning he had gone back there.

Today we have just fought and fought. Im so angry I just want to slap him. He says that he is seperated so he should be able to go out when ever he wants. But then says that I need to change my ways before he comes back. So why doesnt he have to change his ways for me.. I dont get it and im starting to get to the point that I just want it over and I can think about moving on.

The kids finally had there grommits done on monday. Ended up getting htem done together. Wasnt too bad. Was kinda hard when I had thomas in recovery screaming and I had to go in to theatre bay with Hollie to send her off to sleep. Thomas woke up scremaing his ring out so they gave him some morphine and they gave it to Hollie before she came out. She didnt agree with it all that well and vomited a few times and had the itches. Overall it wasnt too bad. VERY tiring but ok. My friggin car broke down on the way to the hospital at 6:30am which is just my luck.. LOL.. Heres a few pics dad took at the hospital.

I had to come back to town today to do a talk about a calander im taking photos for. Its on tommorrow but with Agquip on I didnt want to have to leave Tamworth an hour earlier to get here in time with all the extra traffic.....

So the kids and I are home and Jay has left and gone to his mums.. Feel a bit sad and lonely now.

Tried to find out about some counselling.. Looks like we will have to go to Tamworth. Nothing available here. Really think we need to get some help to work through all this. We just keep blaming each other and noone is going forward.

He says its me that has driven him away.

He rekons I dont treat the kids well and I yell at them.

He doesnt realise how hard it really is to be a SAHM with them 24 hours a day. I never get a break, I never get to just not have to worry about them for 5 minutes, I never get to go to the dunny on my own or do my excercise without someone climbing all over me, or have a shower without someone pulling hte door open saying MUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM.... SUre I love my kids but do I really have to LOVE being with them every second.

Feeling a bit lonely now.

Hollie just asked to go ring daddy to say she loves him.......The kids dont quite love me as much they love there dad. I guess because he is a novelty and they only see him sparodically, Im just a part of the furniture to them....

Well I did it.. I left and went to mums....

Jay wouldnt Leave even after I packed his siht and through it out the front....

I just cant deal with the drinking and erratic behaviour. I DO want to be a family again, I just want him to work through his problems. Dad wants me to pack my shit and just get out of there, but I dont want that for my kids. They love there dad and he does love them. It could be a lot worse and sometimes I feel like im just over reacting but I dont want to live like this. Its not fair on any of us....

I cant really devulge what fully went on the other night but its just not acceptable..

I am fine, the kids are fine and dont really know whats going on. Im too mad to be sad about it all..

well so much for the great start.. Jay got home some time after 3am... SO over it..

OOHHH just coming in to record my measurements... Still not really dropping weight though...

...........Start/18.july /29.Jul/
Bust 123.5 /120 /118
Waist 109 /107 / 102
Abs 117 /115 / 114
hips 119 /117 / 115
Thighs 74/ 68.5 / 65

That is an overall cm loss of 14.5cm since last time.. AWESOME .... LOL.. i feel my legs are smaller but not much else. When I see my naked body in the mirror I still nearly vomit.. LOL..

Had to do MIL about the LO not being published on the weekend.. She asked was it in soon cause she had to buy a couple of copies of the mag for people.. I was soo embarrassed telling her it wasnt going to be in.... Next time ill know not to tell anyone till I get the payment.. LOL...

The Milnes are on there way home at the moment. yeeahhhhh Cant wait to see them and meet baby Zahlia. ..

I have some studio photos I took of baby Jack but Ive used all my download and its just wayyyy too slow....

Jamie and I have been really making an effort in getting our relationship back on track. Its going Ok so far but I guess we will see if it goes back to the old ways.

What can I say... Today has been a very emotional day...

Jay promised me he would be home from the pub at 9pm lastnight cause Thomas and I are soo sick.... He got home at 3am the drunkest i have ever seen him. I tried to ring him and of course No answer... Asked him to leave this morning and he put it all back on me. Its all my fault... I have nowhere to go so I cant leave. Id had enough and as sick I was I got up and had a shower and got dressed and went out for a bit. I had a look in target, picked up a gorgeous little boys 00000 suit and burst in to tears. WEnt and sat in teh car and bawled...

Went to the pub Then left there and sat in the car and bawled. Then went to Maccas, sat and read the paper then got in the car and bawled. THen I came home. My house that was clean was trashed..

I just cooked tea in my very sick state and noone ate it except me. Jay said he is too sick ( really hungover) and i just lost it and went in to bed and cried.... I give up.....

Oops life got in the way of blogging again.. LOL..

Lots been happening in the last few weeks.....

Weightloss Still only lost 3 kilos but least I havent gained.. I know ive lost weight in my face and ive lost it in cms.. Here is my starting cms and my current

Start/ today
Bust 123.5 /120
Waist 109 /107
Abs 117 /115
hips 119 /117
THighs 74/ 68.5

OMG check out the difference in each of my thighs. No wonder my jeans feel lose in the legs.. YAY...

Babies
Roxy and cameron, Tneesha, Dakota and Kadence welcomed there new little sister into the world on the 15th of July. Zahlia Paige was 7 pound 12.5 ounces, and from the pictures I have seen absolutely beautiful. Cant wait for them to head back here next week. After 2 whole months away from home I bet they cant either..
TOday Faith and Bob, Blake, Pheobe and Charlie welcomed in there little brother Jack. He was 9 pound 1 and 52cm long. I was only just out on my predictions.. LOL... Cant wait to go and visit him and she is coming here on her way home from hospital for a photo shoot. LOL.. Cant wait.

Ears POor Thomas has more ear infections. Had the worst temp on sunday night EVER. I just couldnt get it to drop. God love him. He had his hearing test on Wednesday and she said that he has severe hearing loss. He should be able to hear at 10 decibles and he is hearing at 90 decibles. No wonder the poor little man doesnt talk. Hopefully we will be getting the grommits next month.
I also took Hollie to the GP on Tuesday cause I thought she had a urinary infection but that was negative. While we were there dr looked in her eyes and said she has glue ear as well and suggested grommits for her as well. I have noticed that her speech has become more mumbled, she talks much louder, and doesnt hear us as much as she used to so hopefully it will help...

work I have been so busy with photoshoots the last few weeks. I even did a 4 week old that was on holidays from queensland. She rekons she is coming back for xmas photos LOL.. Im just trying to look for a supplier to do up my block mounts for me. Id love to have a few on display. I have a wedding in September that I am kind of looking forward to doing, even though I swore I wasnt doing them any more. LOL.

Scrapbooking Still really down about the magazine rejection. I havent had the guts to tell Mother in law yet cause I think she was really proud of me, and the fact it was such a special LO to her I just cant tell her.. Ive been trying to do some more scrapping but I always feel like im missing something to finish a page off.

Heres teh last one I did. Its really bizzare but I used to have this thing about HAVING to do my pages in order. Im over it now and I think i like doing them out of order much better. Gives you variety..

Lots of the Eb scrapping girls are meeting up at a big scrap retreat. Sounds fantastic. I bet they have a ball. Cant wait to see pics and hear all about it..


Thomas beside the ear problems, he is just a gorgeous little boy. I adore him soo much. He loves to cuddle and comes up and throws his little arms around my neck. I just love kissing his gorgeous baby skin and smelling him. He likes to chuck a good tantie and loses his temper at his sister. Loves to throw a punch back at her when she is picking on him. Nothing more beautiful then sibling rivalry. LOL.

Even though he cant hear very well he is good at following directions and I have noticed that I do actually talk to his face and point things out when I talk to him without even realising Im actually doing it. His beautiful little smile lights up a room and I get a lot of comments about how gorgeous it is...

He is sooo good at feeding himself. I love to watch how he uses the fork and spoon and shovels it in then see how proud he is of himself. He is a good little eater ( except for today)

When we ask him where his belly button is he lifts up his shirt and cracks up laughing. This was what he was doing in this pic. SOOO funny.

Hollie This kid was sent to challenge me. I find each day sooo hard and just cant wait for the night time. She constantly fights with me, wont do as I tell her, throws massive tantrums. I just dont know what to do. I hope these grommits make a difference to her behaviour and her sleep. I just cant take the sleep shit anymore. Its ridiculous. She ends up in bed with me every night and jay goes to the lounge. Then she tosses and turns and talks and carries on all night.

She has been sooo bored these holidays without Roxy and kids here and asking me everyday who can come over. Today she finally had a freind over and she was sooo nasty and mean to her and wanted her to go home in the first 5 minutes. I gve up. I dont know what to do anymore. She just frustrates the hell out of me.

But then she is also so beautiful sometimes. I love when she thanks me for cooking her tea or making her breakfast. She tells me that she loves me all teh time and gives me great big cuddles. She calls Thomas "buddy". I love when she says, "cmon little buddy"...

My Marraige THis is a post I put on EB about our relationship at the moment. I think it has improved slightly since I posted this but He is at the pub tonight and I know he will be there tommorrow night.

I dont know where to start really .. DH and I have been fighting a lot lately as he has been going off and doing his own thing all the time. He says he doesn't want to be here cause I'm a b**ch so would rather be out, And i'm a b**ch cause I just want him to help me out a bit.. I am so so so tired. Emotionally and pysically. I just need some support...

Dh works 8:30 to 6pm each day. This week he went to a baseball meeting straight after work at another town an hour away and got home at 11pm.. Wed night, went to baseball training then the pub, so got home after I did all the kids to bed stuff.. Friday HAD to go to the pub to do the raffles, got home at 11pm. Today we went to baseball was a nice day with the kids and stuff and now he is out on the town, blind as a bat, NFI when he will come home... I had to bring the kids home on my own, both fell asleep in the car and I had to carry them in, then they woke screaming and carrying on cause they are overtired and cold. Im really p*ssed off.. I dont want this life. I was with an alcoholic for 5 years. DH actually spent more time with me and did less drinking before we had kids.

Last week He went straight to the pub from work on the Friday night and told me he would be home at half time in the footy.. He had driven to the pub. When it got to 12am i started to worry and called his mobile 37 times and left 5 messages asking could he just please ring me or message me to say he was ok. He got home at 4am... Im just so over it... If I say to him come home and ill give you some lovin he never turns up.. Whats that say...

My dad never went to the pub and always stayed home and worked around the yard. I guess I just have high expectations. When he is home he just lays on the lounge. Every night he pretty much goes to sleep on the lounge.

I have 2 kids that don't sleep through. I'm totally exhausted.

Am I overreacting and Should I just let him have his fun. He thinks im just a stuck in the mud and I dont want him to have fun.. A few weeks ago we went out together and had a really great time. Cant that be enough drinking and carrying on for awhile..... I just feel like giving up and letting him do what ever he wants....

..........................................................................................................................................................

I got some great replies and sent them to Jamie. He was NOT happy of course and tol me he doesnt care what any other husband does or what any other wife thinks.. NOICE...



AGGHHHH Thomas crying.... So thats a wrap...... WOnt be so long in between posts next time..

ARGGGHHH i have been so sick... Ended up in hospital on a drip yesterday. Had been vomiting non stop since Sunday night and couldnt even keep gastrolyte down. Was so dehydrated. They wanted me to stay in but I talked them in to giving me the fluids then reviewing me and sending me home.. THANK GOD. Those hospital beds are soo uncomfy. Thank god for Janelle. She came and had my kids for me while her kids were at daycare. I felt so awful cause she had to take them to her drs appointment with her. I dont know what I woudl have done without her. Everytime I vomited before Janelle got here Hol was freaking out, and Thomas just wantd to play in it... GROT..

Had weigh in yesterday and I guess I had a bit of help from the vomiting but I lost 3kgs this week ( this is going off my dodgy scales though.. I need some good ones..) I have gone pretty good with my eating but I havent quite done as much excercise as I would have liked. I find it really hard to fit it in with everything else and the treadmill is impossible to get on with the kids..

I was wondering if anyone knows a way of working out how many calories are in foods that you cook yourself like biscuits and slices and muffins and stuff......

My other news is that I received my Layout back from scrapbooking memories saying they arent publishing. Im so shattered and embarrassed. Ive told everyone about it going in and my family were only raving on about it on the weekend and wanted me to send them copies of the magazine. I just feel like such an idiot... :(....

Big day today.. Did a family photo shoot this morning which was lots of fun, then got home and got the kids organised and headed to the park to meet up wiht my auntys to say goodbye to aunty Kim, who is moving back to Goulburn. Bit sad to see them go again.. Took a heap of photos of everyone with nan as well ( just in case its the last time they are togehter) my other aunty is down as well. ...

We have no money this week till Wednesday and we have no food. I dont know what we are going to eat for tea the nexxt few nights.. GRRR. probably pikelets. Im sick of this shit...

Anyway here is a few piccies of me and the kids. Kinda feel bad about how many photos I take of Thomas, but Hollie just isnt into posing and Thomas is just sooo easy to photograph... LOL. Dont you just love thomas Sad face.. TOO funny

So pissed off with Jay at the moment... He never came home after work lastnight and just went to the pub and said he would be home at half time in the footy. Well he never got home till 3am. I called his phone 37 times and left 5 messages. He never answered. God it makes me soo mad. He thinks I am being unreasonable by being pissed.... WTF... He also said that he always thought I wanted kids and he rekons I treat them like they are a burden... WTF>. Im so hurt by that...




Anyway.................................. Hols and I did some baking off some gingerbreads. We actually made some for Roxy, Tneesha and Koda wh are in SA at the moment but they have nearly all been eaten. Poor Hollie has her mothers binge eating habits..

Blew the calorie budget today by 180 calories... Bloody sausages I had for tea... GRRR..Could have evened it out if I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes but I was soo unmotivated. I tried to get on there earlier in the day and the kids tormented me and I only got 5 minutes in before I blew my stack with them.. GRR.

Here is a mini album I made for Roxy to take back to Adelaide with her of her boy ( thomas).. She is having her baby in about 10 days.. Very exciting. I cant wait to meet her...

I am Joining Jodi's new challenge of losing 50 pounds ( 22 kilos) in 50 weeks. It starts today.

Just weighed myself and the scales say 91 kilos. Im on day 2 of Period too and I always weigh more that day...... I do have my measurements somewhere ill find the piece of paper and put them down..

Ill be using Calorie King website to help me with my calorie intake..

i have an allowance of 1660 calories a day... Im gonna sit down tommorrow and read back through it and work out how long I have to do on the treadmill for weight loss.....

Wish my luck.... Be back tommorrow with some photos....

HOley crap.. Me have hangover... Didnt get home till 5am. Havent done that for like about 9 years or something.. LOL......

Had a ball, I love dancing. Makes me feel so free and young. ALthough i feel so old with all the girls at the regal. LOL.. I saw about 5 of the girls that used to be in my brownie group when I was a leader. GEEZ it made me feel old....

My fantastic freind Fiona offered abotu an hour before we had to go out to watch my kids. I was taking them with me to the 50th we went to and would have had to come home early. I wasnt looking forward to it. This beautiful friend packed up her kids and came and stayed the night and told me to stay out as long as I wanted. HOw nice is that. She then got up with my kids in the morning told me to go back to bed and she took them out.... SHe is a darling. Freinds like that are really worth gold.......


Kaysie

OMG long time no write.. Been a bit flat out around here. Between hospital visits and photo shoots..

Hols had another really bad asthma attack. Was quite scary. After being on nebuliser 3 times her oexygen was still at 88. God I hope she grows out of it.. Today she had to go physio to be assessed after the OT at preschool noticed her problems with balanace and confidence in outside play. The physio was fantastic. Its really hard to explian what she told me, but she talked about the fact that on Hollies left side her part of the brain that works out senses doesnt really work properly. She was showing me by touching Hollies right arm in 2 spots and making her point out where she touched ( which she could) then asking her by doing the same on the left but she always only pointed out one spot. Her brain couldnt register that there was two spots. She also finds it hard to copy patterns with her left arm... It was really interesting. WE just have to play a lot of games to help teach her brain those things. Physio also wants a back xray because her muscle tone is really tight and brisk..

Thomas is the wild boy from borneo still. His ear drum perforated the other day again. Poor little cherub. Im so worried that his hearing is going to be so affected. Still not really speaking though he says dare ( there) and go. Thats about it really. Loves to climb on the table and yesterday i found every peice of fruit in the fruit bowl with a chunk missing. Made me mad but was piss funny as well.

Few weekends ago I got to go out and get a bit pissy. How exciting for me.. I never get to go have fun. I had a great time. we went out with sal, lil, daniel, and mick. I was a tad stupid though and went swimming at 1am.. LOL.. HOl was still awake (grr) and was watching her mother be a dick head.. LOL...YOu get that..

I cant think of anythign else right now, surely my life has to be a bit more interesting then that..

Oh im joining jodis weightloss challenge 50 pound in 50 weeks... hmmm will see how i go, would love to lose it a lot quicker then that. Im the most unpatient person. I want it to happen now or never. LOL. Went and did aerobics on monday and did way too much and hurt my already suffering back. Went off to chiro today and he rekons I shouldnt do it again but I think ill just take it easier next time.

Ok so I thought i might show off a few of my latest shoots, cause they are allllll gorgeous kiddies...

This bubba claire is 12 days old..... Just devine little thing.












Ill just show my story board of this little guy Aidyn and Ill show a few of the others next time..