Monday, December 28, 2009

Holey cow long time no write. Thought I might give this whole blog thing another go as I need a bit of a venting post right now. Not that I think anyone reads my blog anymore. LOL..

Life has changed a whole lot. We sold the house at 4 Smyth Close which broke my heart but also gave me a chance for a new start. Feels so wierd knowing someone else is living in our little home that we built with so many dreams in mind.

I am now engaged though still married to Jamie. LOL Dont ask me if that is even legal. LOL. HIs name is Phillip and he has 4 beautiful kiddies. We have had a rough few months in and out of court against his ex and trying to get him to see his kids. There has been a lot of ups and downs and tears.

I have a lost a few freinds along the way and my mum and dad dont really talk to me either because of Phillip but I have just come to the conclusion that its my life and I need to live it how I want to. Roxy doesnt even talk to me anymore and its been a few months since we have really seen her. Its so sad and breaks my heart every day to know we are not worth it.

The kids are growing up sooo fast. Hollie has lost and gained 2 teeth. She is off to big school next year. So exciting.... Cant beleive how big she is... Thomas is a wild little boy with a beautiful personality and a huge heart..

Its 3am and the rain is teaming down on the roof. Smells and sounds sooo awesome.

Lets hope I can get back in to blogging....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Well lots happening here again.....

Thomas turned two last week can you beleive it.. My precious little baby is 2. He had a lovely bday and got spoilt. Absolutely loved his scooter. It was a total hit..
Was a hard day for me. Jamie came over for lunch and cake but it just felt so wierd that we arent together.





Jamie has told me that we are over. He has met another girl and is getting to know her. Ive been begging him to come back and going totally insane and pyscho with jelousy. I cant control and it seems so god damn stupid. I went to counselling the other day which really helped and I have moved my focus back onto me. I have never been alone in my life. I have gone from relationship to relationship. I dont know how to be with myself, and how to love myself. I have so much work to do on this and I am really starting to look forward to the journey of finding me.

I went out with the girls on the weekend and had an awesome time. We had soo much fun. They make me laugh so hard and that feels really really good to have no worries and just laugh about stuff. I did have a little minor bump in the road during the night and rang jay with abuse and sent lots of text messages. I wont be doing this anymore though. Im moving forward.

My cousin is being induced at the moment with her first baby. Im so excited for her and her husband. What a new and daunting experience it will be for them. A new baby brings sooo many changes. I dont think we ever really connected after we had our kids. Sounds really wierd and ironic but now I think back, I think after Hollie was born we started to drift away. Maybe it was something to do with the extra responsibility and her being a difficult baby then starting the IVF for Thomas when she was 12 months and we were still dealing with her being a shit baby. Maybe we just took all too fast, and forgot about us along away.

Must go cause i have a kid free night and I dont feel the best so off to watch a dvd and chill out....

Thursday, January 22, 2009



Oh well here I am back in the land of the blog.... Can you beleive I have been AWOL this long.... NO...

Things are still a little complicated in my little ole life at the moment but hey im still here....

Jamie and I are still seperated.. Coming up to 6 months now. Still doing counselling and have just started some sessions together. We really havent been talking much of a late and its really quite wierd. It went from him still coming up every day to now nothing. He hasnt even really rang in the last 2 weeks to talk to the kids. He has been in Tamworth for baseball and we just see him when he picks the kids up... Very strange and not sure how I feel about it all.

A good thing that has happened is ive lost 13 kilos.... Been doing a shake diet for about 3 months and though the weight is slow to come off im happy with how it is going.. Only 17kilos to go to goal weight... Ive found that my stomach has shrunk so much that even if I do eat meals I can only eat half as much... Here is a before and after I made up to put on facebook.... ive actually lost another kilo since that after photo..
Last week was my bday and it was the most miserable day ever.. I was just soo low and emotional.. I cried from the time i woke up. Jay came and took the kids, I couldnt even function to dress the kids..... I got no presents, no cake, my car broke down and a heap of other shit happened that i cant talk about.... It totally sucked... LOL..

I also got a new car last week.. Was so sick of all the shit going wrong with my bomb and dad was too so dad paid to get me a car and im just paying him off what i would pay the bank... Pretty good car for what we paid.. Will have to get a photo of me with it.. Its a Hyundai sonata that has been so well looked after. Only has 90,000 klm on it and he just put 2 new tyres on it.. Electric windows ( ive never had those) LOL... SO far the kids have helped in keeping it tidy inside we will see how long that lasts... LOL..

I was working on a calendar at the end of last year with the local family support group.. God that worked out to be a HUGE job with lots of hours and long nights. I was sooo stressed out by the end of it I was glad to see it printed. Its been a huge success and lots of wonderful feedback about my photos. There was a launch at the local civic theatre with all the images on the big screen. I was interviewed for the local news which was a bit embarrassing. Mum and dad came to teh launch and kept telling me how proud they were of me so that was really nice.. I will upload some photos of the calendar another day...

Thomas and HOllie are growing like weeds.. Cant beleive miss Hollie is nearly 5.. WOW... Not sure how she feels about Jay and i seperating. She likes to say she hates me when she gets in trouble and start crying for daddy but other then that she doesnt seem to disturbed by it all. I think she prefers us not fighting all the time, and this way she actually gets to spend tim ewith daddy when he has weekends...

Thomas will be 2 in a couple of weeks. wahhhhhhh.. This time 2 years ago I was in hospital. Thats just flown by.. He is such a funny hilrious little person. I just adore him.. He loves to swing upside down from everthing, climbs everything, destroys everything.. LOL...

I dont want to have blog exhuastion from one post.. LOL.. so ill leave it at that and now try to keep up again.. Didnt mean to leave it so long but catching up kinda felt too hard at the time....