Just got back from helping at Hollies preschool... Kids are funny.. LOL.. I had to bloody walk down there and back cause we have no money for fuel... GRRR I hate being broke..

I have some exciting news.. My little princess now has her ears pierced. She was so brave.. She asked us could she have it done and was asking for weeks so we said righto but do you know that it is gonna hurt. She said YEP but ME WANT IT DONE ANYWAY. She was such a big girl sitting up there and didnt cry till after it was done. I think it was more the shock and her face got grazed with the gun as well. She looks so beautiful and grown up. :(.. She picked the little pink studs herself. Just bootiful......

Jamies dad is coming home today after 6 weeks down having radiation. Its been a long time for him being down there on his own. I know he will be so relieved to be home again...

OMG i forgot my other HUGESTESTSTSTSTS news ever...... I won a prize worth $601.. YIPEEE I never win anything.. It was in the Nappy hunt where you go around like an idiot looking for icons on the nappy sites. Its crazy and I spent lots of nights awake looking. SOme are REALLY hard. I have won a few gorgeous nappies, and leg warmers and huguglugs and jewellery and a game thing and some cream.. WHOOOPPPPPEEEEE so excited....

Had a bit of a meltdown last week and basically felt like I was a walking time bomb ready to explode. NO sleep does some wicked things to your mind. Saturday I had to call Jay hoem from cricket cause my head was throbbing and my back was killing. I went to bed at 4pm, so I must have needed it.

Thomas is teething poor bugger.. his cheeks are sooo red... He is a funny little guy. Im having so many issues with breastfeeding still... GRR part of me wants to just give up cause Im sure our life would be easier on the bottle but I love that he NEEDS me for that. I may never get another chance.. ARGH breastfeeding is sooooo bloody hard. Why cant boobs have metres on them to tell you how much they get....

Here is a video of his funny laugh, if you can hear him over the big foghorn LOL...

Jays baseball team won the grandfinal.... Sound real excited dont i. LOL.. I dont seem to "get" the whole team sport thing anymore. THe way Jay carries on before the game just seems way too over the top. Its just a bloody game... He is out celebrating and I got the job of coming home with the kids. Dont you love it. I hope if I ever get a published LO I get to go out and "get on it" and celebrate. LOL..His photo was on the back page of the paper the other day and HOllie took it to school yesterday for show and tell.. HOW CUTE... so proud of her daddy.. ILl add some baseball photos tommorrow.

Im enjoying the whole new world of Facebook and catching up with a few old schoolfreinds. Is lots of fun to see where people are at and there kids and stuff. Funny how when you are at school it seems like its your whole world, and then it doesnt mean shit once you have made your own life. Its like it is 2 seperate lives and 2 different lots of people that know you. You could be the dorkiest person at school but when you have your own family and adult freinds you are someone totally different. LIFE is bizarre.... Tyddie (school freind) put this pic up on face book of our kindy class. its not real easy to see but im the one with the short sleeve shirt on. LOL..

Love this shot of Thomas' reflection in his mirror on his play thingymagiggy...


This is what I used to think about when I was doing the IVF. Moments like this.... I didnt want HOllie to never have a chance to be a sister. She is being Thomas' teacher. She reads to him alot.

MY BOY CAN SIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My littel cherub can sit up..... STOP GROWING UP... Next thing we will know he will be crawling. Wont Hollie be pissed when he starts touching her stuff... LOL...

Check him out...

And this is his new trick in the Jolly jumper he just started doing..Thinks its soo funny.....

Lying in bed with HOllie tonight and she was just laying there nearly asleep and she turned to me and said.. " mummy I was in your belly once wasnt I?" then she said " thomas was too, he used to kick me and say I wanna get out"...... Its nice when you can have precious moments like that after an absolutely horrendous day.. She also asked to get her ears pierced the other day. LOL.. I want to but im scared...

Its been an absolute shit house week. Im so exhuasted. Jay was supposed to come home at 10 on saturday night and got home at 3am. Was soo sick for fathers day, and slept most of the day. I was so mad and exhuasted. I feel like I could just crawl in a hole. I understand how women can lose the plot and shake there baby. I just got to the point today that I couldnt stand anymore crying. Lucky he is so cute..

Hollie made Jay cry yesterday morning with her Fathers day things she made. SHe did a little thing for him at daycare that said.. I love my daddy because............. he takes me shopping and we go and buy chocolate for my mum and I eat some too... LOL...

Jays dad is in Sydney having Radiation. Feeling a bit sad for him. Being down there on his own he must have a lot of time to reflect on his life and his future.

Did a photoshoot of a gorgeous little man on friday. Still proofing them and after I ask his mumma i might share some. Was supposed to have a shoot today but it got cancelled when bubba woke up with temps..

I got a phonecall today for a wedding quote. I have had so many people chasing quotes lately. For now ive decided i really cant take the extra stress. I think i have had to knock back 5 weddings. I am doing one in 2 weeks but its just for an old freind and im just taking a few formal shots.

HEres some new pics of the kidlets....

Just quickly popping in to write down Thomas' weigh and height for today.. At 6.5 months he is 63cm long ( just on the edge of the grey shorty boy) and 7.1 kilos....

Hollie put on an outfit earlier that I had bought her and I said " do you like it? its so cute" and she said " mum its a bit dicky" LOL...... OMG she is a funny little chicken....

Keeps saying ot me.. Mum im bigger now, its so so sad isnt it..... Cause I always say how sad it is that she is growing up... TOO FUNNY.....

Best go to bed feeling totally drained. Did curves tonight and hurting all over.....

ARGH life is getting in the way of my blog.. LOL..... and my scrapping... I wonder will I ever get back to doing any scrapping.. Every day I make a plan in my head to do some and then it all goes to shit. LOL..

Jays baseball semifinal was on on Saturday. Once I got there I wished I hadnt gone. Was totally exhusted and we went over on a bus so I couldnt even go shopping. I had to take Thomas up to the hospital cause he had Pus coming out of his ear. Poor kid. I had been sniffing his ear all week saying it smelt wrong and everyone else rekoned it was fine... From now on Ill be going with my mothers intuition. He will be ok, just has to have antibiotics then has to go back to GP since the dr couldnt actually see the membrane from all the pus. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Didnt get to curves today which totally pissed me off. I have weigh in on friday. Was hoping to get some good numbers in.LOL.


Just got a phone call about a good freind that is in a mental hospital at the moment... Got tears now.... she is ok..... I hate mental illness...


I better go to bed, feel so exhuasted.... Here is some pics I took of Thomas a few weeks ago.. I just love em.. How bloody gorgeous is he....

Happy Bday to our special freind Tneesha who turns 5 today.... Isnt she just a doll... We went to her bday party on Saturday at the pool. It was great and I was the only mum that bloody got in, hairy white legs and all....LOL....

Today was such a weird day. It started awful and I was losing the plot and I had decided that the kids would be better off going to daycare and me go back to work. Thomas didnt stop crying and Hollie was just being a brat... Then the day got better Hollie had a sleep and when she woke her and I had a good time and played outside and in the garden for awhile. Then I went to curves and did my work out..

Jays dad has just gone back down to sydney for more radiation. He has more cancer and its inoperable so they are hoping that the radiation will shrink it. Jay had a melt down on Saturday night sobbing to me about how he knows his dad will die :( and how he cant beleive how fast the years are going. How fast our kids are growing. I was actually mad at him for being home 3 hours later then he said but I felt so sad for him too. He is the most optimistic person so for him to be talking that way was a suprise..

I have had NO bloody car all week. Its across the road out of petrol and we dont get paid till friday. GRR so frustrating. I hate being poor.. Its commission week this week, I wish it would hurry up. Thinking that I might try and do a montlhly menu plan so we know we have enough food for the month. This last week is always soo hard. We have nothing in the fridge. Hol and I made biscuits today.

I better head to bed as we have had a shocking few nights with the little man and im exhausted... Just thought id leave you with this bloody hilarious clip.... Its kinda like when Thomas smiles. You just have to smile back at him....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z02ox6ttIjg&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fmom2my6pack%2Eblogspot%2Ecom%2F

THomas is 6 MONTHS OLD.... where has that time gone......... GOt him weighed today and he is 7 kilos and 63cm long. I cant beleive how fast he is growing.. He can sit for a few seconds before falling over now and when on his tummy he gets his little legs going. Sooo cute. He is such a lovalbe smiley little thing. He gives the best cuddles in the world. he wraps his little arms around your neck. I think he may have said DAD today but im not telling DH and im not offically saying he did.LOL...

Ill add a few pics from today and then ill comeback for a big catch up tommorrow hopefully

Happy half year my precious little man....

Im struggling to keep up at the moment. Life is just bogging me down.. Had a melt down last night and cried to jamie and today he let me lie in bed and read a book. I am sick anyway.....

Just wanted to wish Angela all the best for the upcoming few weeks. Very exciting waiting on the birth of her twins. What an awesome incubator she is thus far......

I took Hollie to the pead last week for her reflux review and a few other things... After the increase in dose of her meds there wasnt any change so he said to just cut them all out and see what it does.. She is refluxing a lot more and her behaviour is starting to get worse again...

While we were there I mentioned about Hollies left arm when she swims.. She wont use it at all. If I hold the right arm she still wont use the left. I asked the chiro about it awhile ago and he said to get it checked out... So the pead looked her over and did some strength tests and some running up and down the corrider. She has always ran really funny but I just thought she was unco.. He did some reflex tests and the left leg didnt respond all that well... He is sending us off for a CT scan to check the right side of the brain ( which controls the left side). He isnt sure what the problem is... he did mention a " mini stroke" so I guess we just wait and see...

I just wish we could have a magic wand to get her sleeping. The pead suggested hard sleeping pills.. WT???? I didnt even have to think twice. No way.....

She woke up this arvo with trouble breathing so she has been on the nebuliser this arvo and has prendisone on bored.. I sooo didnt want her to be asthmatic. Its an awful bloody thing. I hate it.. I rang the hospital but they said I was pretty confident looking after her so just to keep her at home unless the nebules arent cutting it.

Bye for now

Tagged from Narelle... my first one...

Here's the deal:

1-post these rules
2-each person tagged must post 8 random(... hopefully interesting) facts about themselves
3-taggees should write a blogpost of these facts
4- at the end of the post 8 more bloggers are tagged and named and released back into the wild
5-go to their blog and leave a comment telling them they're tagged


1. I have played piano since I was 5 years old. I did some teaching gigs for a little while....

2. I travelled in the state youth band playing trumpet...

3. I got expelled for school from wagging and being in a drug bust and escorted by the police back the principle ( who was a nun)...

4. I left home at 16.. Did my HSC while living with 4 alcholic blokes that had partys all night. Was so hard to get motivated to study..

5. I have only one kidney, half a uterus, extra vertebrae. Didnt find any of this out till I was 20. Was quite a suprise..

6. I spent 5 years with an alcholic druggo. Followed him to partys every night of the week then got up and went to work. He killed my dog, doused me in petrol, broke a mirror over my head and just treated me like crappola...

7. I used to be really fit and went to the gym twice a day.

8. I had a nervous breakdown nearly 8 years ago now. I was agoraphobic and I totally lost control of my life.....

ohh im excited I got my first tag..Im no longer a tagging virgin..... LOL... But its too late now and Ive stayed up too long knitting ( just call me gran) so ill come do it tommorrow....

Heres a little vid, well actually its a black screen since it was dark, but you can hear Hollies bloody carrying on..... This is the shit she carries on with everynight at bed time. This was after an hour and she was starting to wind down. Its just bloody ridiculous. Then we have to deal with her waking all the time after about 11pm. Its driving me mental. Im so bloody tired so I just let her in bed now and Jay moves to the lounge, but she moves and talks, and scratches and tosses and kicks all night. IVE HAD ENOUGH....... heres the video... http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v219/kaysie/Hollie/?action=view&current=c439ab37.flv

Been so slack and busy but had to come and say that Thomas rolled today.. YAY he is such a clever boy. He is soo sick too so it was a great effort. He had a huge sleep afterwards so must have taken it out of him...

On the 1st of the month it was a year since I had him transferred. How amazing is it that that little man came from a dish.. Just incredible... He is doing ok, Reflux and colic totally suck but I seemed to have gotten use to the screaming, crying and winging that it doesnt effect me that much this time.

Thomas and I have the flu and I feel like total crappola....

Im so tired I cant even think what else to write so I might just post photos.. LOL....

Now I dont usually think my kids look that much alike but check out this photo.....













How happy does he look in this pic below. Always has a beautiful smile for his mummy...

Long time no write... Been really busy....

I was asked to teach a canvas scrap class to a teen mums group. Was a lot of hard work. The girls had never scrapped before or even seen it so needed soo much help. Was very tiring.. This was my sample canvas I did to show them... Its hanging in Hollies room and as you can see she is very proud of it..LOL..

I also did this scrap page when I was at mums for the long weekend.. Suppose i could have cropped the floor away..LOL



Thomas is growing so fast its scary. Nearly 5 months old and starting to laugh and have conversations with us. He is very cute, and he and Hollie are getting on so well. It is so beautiful to watch them playing togehter and the way he looks at her is just so sweet. He looks for her whenever he is awake. Ive been having some issues about his name. It still doesnt feel right. Its just not ME, But i also wouldnt want to hurt jays feelings by changing it. I find myself calling him mate and not Thomas cause it just isnt me.. I dont really know what to do about it. I dont want to regret it for the rest of my life. Anyway here is a pic of the gorgeous little human being..He has the most wonderful smile that just melts my heart.When he is having booby if I look down at him he gives me that big lushes smile so I cant look at him. LOL. He also puts both his hands around my boob and strokes it.. Its so lovely. I remember when hollie used to do that. Like he appreciates every drop of that devine milk.....

Hollie is thriving and is as clever as ever. I think she is outgrowing Daycare and will hopefully go the 2 days to preschool next year. She has learnt to use scizzors so is cutting every bit of paper and cardboard in site. She told me she met a "nice guy" at church that she is gonna marry. How funny. One of her favourite words at the moment is rekon.. She says, I rekon mum.. LOL. I love it. SO much personality. If only she would sleep.. Thomas sleeps way better then her. Its sooooo frustrating.. SHe keeps bloody licking her lips and has an awful dry patch. I photoshopped it out in this photo.LOL. It looks awful. Im thinking of gettin her hair cut off to shoulder length. I just cant decide..Jays dad had a feed line put in to his stomach a couple of weeks back. he has another Mass but they arent sure what it is. It is blocking off his oesophegus and he only has a hole the size of apinhead so not much food can get down there. They are saying that sometimes after a big op ( like the one he had to remove the cancer) that a calcifcation can occur at the op site. The other thing is that it is more cancer.He has lost soo much weight that they have put in the feed line to try and fatten him up a bit so they can operate. It is really sad to watch him how he is. I feel so sad for him. His life has just fallen apart in the last few years. Jays family dont really show there feelings and sometimes I feel like He just needs a big hug. I know he gets so much joy from seeing the kids. I often see a tear in his eye as he watches Hollie and the day he came to see Thomas at the hospital, when he came back from the SCN he had a tear in his eye. Cancer is such a dreadful disease...

A guy I used to hang out with ( my ex sils partner) got killed last weekend. The guy was not the greatest citizen and was always in and out of jail but he was still a person and a father. His DD and I used to be so close and she was in my care a lot while both her parents were in jail. My heart breaks for her. The car was towed in to jays work on the saturday and at that point I didnt know that it was him that got killed in the car I just knew that a person had got killed. The car was just a mess. Im so terrified of dying in a car accident, or being trapped in a car with my kids screaming in pain. Its my biggest fear....

I got a lovely little parcel for the kids and I the other day off the lovely kind sarah. We all loved our stuff. Hollie got a little book which she has been using as a menu book in the cafe LOL and some stickers and clips, and I got a block of a chocolate which i soooo needed that day, and Thomas got a gorgeous Bonds shirt which he needed.

better go to bed its late im tired and im sure the night will be eventful....

Just read Felicitys comment in my blog and Im SOOOOOO glad you wrote that chick. I have these issues in my mind about the guilt of being depressed when I did IVF to have them. Its like, something I cant explain but you feel like you have to be grateful (which I am) and that you should be floating on a cloud. That is the way I WANT to feel. I dont want to be like this.. I hate it...

I went to the counsellor today and talk about a total utter waste of time. She is called a "mental health nurse" and all she did was paper work of filling crap out and said oh well ill make another appointment and see how you are going next week.. WT... She did nothing. Not a smidgen of advice. NOTHING. She even said she doesnt know anything about coping techniques blah blah blah. Well why they hell are you there helping our people with mental health problems.. OMG i hate this shit hole of a town sometimes.... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Jamie forgot to pick Hollie up from daycare today.. How embarrssing. I felt awful when I got there. I went downt to his work to pick her up and he didnt have her.. Bloody men. I was at my appointment.. I have been using the 123 magic on her and seems to be going ok. I can see it working if I just keep doing it and be consistant..

This guy that works with Jay has a daughter thats 17 and they live around the corner ( i have to drive past there house everyday) and we know them really well. Anyway yesterday jay rings me and says " we are totally out of the loop". I was like WHY.. He said Fred( not real name) isnt at work today cause his daugther is gonna have her baby today.. We were like OMFG. I only saw her the other day. WE had NFI.... TOtallly in shock....blown away....

T
homas was 4 months old yesterday..
Check out how gorgeous he is... Isnt he just precious.. He looks soo much like me i rekon. But then again where his hair is sitting up he looks more like jamie.. AWWWE he is soo cute. I havent been able to put him down today he has been soooo full of wind and in soo much pain. Poor little thing. I also fogot his losec lastnight so I think that didnt help much...

He loves his mummy sooo much. He just loves to snuggle in to me and nuzzle under my neck.. A real mummys boy... Still doesnt feel like he is mine. Its just sooooo surreal that I have a boy.

Well , i didnt go to the counsellor yesterday.... Jamie had to go to Tamworth lastnight So i would be home alone till really late and didnt want to be alone after talking to the counsellor. It freaks me out when I talk about it and Makes me have panic attacks so I changed it to friday...

Went to a parenting cause on disicpline yesterday and Friday and it was really good. I learnt a few new things to try.

On the weekend we went to Tamworth and stayed at mum and dads cause Jay played baseball all weekend.. Dad and I had another big fight ( its getting bloody predictable) and he said I wasnt welcome there anymore, then he is ringing me the next day to see if Im coming over this weekend. It snowed just out of Tamworth on Saturday but we didnt go and have a look it was just too bloody cold.. Newcastle and the hunter had some really bad flooding and storms and on the news it looks like a war zone. james and Lee were only 300metres from the flood waters but were just on a rise so they didnt have to get evacutated but most of Maitland did.

Have to write this down cause it was so funny but it is a "had to be there moment". My Dad and Hollie started walking to town on sunday (where they live is like 15klm out of town) and we picked them up on teh way. Apparenlty Hol had been talking about maccas to dad on teh way. When we picked them up dad said he needed to go to the toilet. Mum said " so where do you want us to stop mervyn" and he told us and hollie said " Excuse me nanny, Poppy could use the toitet(toilet) at maccas" "there is free(3) toitets at maccas"..It was sooo funny. She was soo serious we just all burst out laughing. She is such a cack....

Thomas is starting to babble a bit more and his favrouite word at the moment is argoo. So cute when they start giving you something back.. He is growing way too fast.. Mum keeps saying that she still cant beleive he is here. She said it just doesnt seem real. She said with Hol she just sort of fit. I know the feeling she has cause I feel it sometimes too. Very hard to explain. She wondered if it was his Name, since it is not really ME. I still wonder if I did the right thing agreeing to Thomas....

Just going through some photos and saving files since I have saved to disk since january.. eeekkkkkkkk. Thought I might share a few..

How unimpressed does he look about the pink beanie.. LOL.. I love it..Jay wasnt very happy about me putting this bonnet on him.. I think it is sooo cute....This is how curly his hair goes after a bath. Once it dries its flat again though...Here he is with his Girlfreind Kadence, who is 10 weeks younger and is now the same length.

I was havitn one of those real crap self esteem days today where you just hate everything you see in the mirror. My clothes dont fit, my boobs are huge and maternity bras dont do much, My hair needs cutting and Im just sick of being daggy. Anyway I come out and Hollie said " Mum, you look cool"..LOL... What a way to make me feel better. She is such a little darlin.....

Here is a Layout I did a few weeks ago. It says You are like me in so many ways. All the ways we are alike are written around the edge..
Thomas had a weigh in the other day, and at 16 weeks he weighs 5.7kilos and is 57.5cm bloody shortie. Im booked in to the counsellor on Tuesday. Im so scared. Im glad she has all my notes from before when I was agoraphobic so I dont have to re explain a lot of it...

Im off to a parenting course tommorrow. I cant wait. Lets hope it can give me some strategies for dealing with this girl of mine....

Thanks girls for the beautiful comments. I know that you are all always there for me. it is so nice to know that.. Holly, im always thinking of you. When times are really touch I think of you and how lucky I really am. You are the strongest women i know and I couldnt do what you are doing. I just wish I could be closer to you to give you some company....

TO start with just have to say OMG i won a little prize on Jodys blog... SOme yummy scrapping stuff. If my internet speed wasnt capped Id go get the link.. LOL... Im so excited...

Friday was a bit of a hard day. Finally decided to admit to myself that I think I have PND. I know it sounds strange since I havent actually gone of my antidepressants but I guess I just need an increase. I was hoping to go to my GP and feel like I had a lot of support but I felt the total opposite. He just said to me " why would you be depressed, you have what you wanted". That is one of the reasons I didnt want to admit it. I dont understand myself. I just handed him the list that I had written down and he read through it. I had written on my list that I have a fear of self harming and he kind of laughed it off and said Why would you want to hurt yourself. It took soo much effort for me to go in there and say all that to him that I just felt gutted and shot down.

He prescribed me to go up to 2 of my tablets a day. Thing is i cant afford $60 a month for tablets. We are struggling just coming up with $30 a month for them. I also need to go have some counselling, so Ill sort that out tommorrow.

I just feel BLERGH... I have no motivation, Im just going around in circles with my house leaving things incomplete, i cant make decisions, I dont want to be touched or talked to, I have no libido, I feel numb, I feel unemotional like i just exist, Dont take pride in myself, cant be bothered going anywhere or talking to anyone, Terrified of hurting myself.....

Now I have a headache just going through all those thoughts again.

When I told jay I had made an appointment on friday and what is was for he said " cant you wait till Wednesday till you get paid". That shocked me and just made me feel like he really doesnt give a crap. I made the appointment on friday cause if I put it off again I just wouldnt go...I feel really hurt that the money was his first thought.

Thomas has had an awful 2 days.. Just screaming and not settling. Jay thinks he is teething cause his hands are shoved in his mouth and he is dribbling. I had th esame thought but cant see any signs of any teeth..

Hollie has just been a maniac today. That girl has anger issues which I think come from her lack of sleep. Im sooo over the nights in this house. Lastnight I had about 2 hours all up. I was up and down with her putting her back to bed every hour then feeding him. I cant do this anymore. I just want her to sleep and stay in her own bed.....

Best be going to bed...

ahhhh where am I up tooo.. Lastnight I spent the night at the hospital with thomas. He has a chest infection and an ear infection.Lastnight he was grunting a and I counted his respirations and they were a bit fast so I rang the hospital and they said to bring him in and they kept him... The beds for the parents in that place are so bloody uncomfy. When I get rich Im gonna donate some comfy ones..LOL....

Jay and I are still not discussing money cause everytime we do we fight, so Im just selling a few things on ebay to get some more things off ebay ( lol) for the kids.. Thanks to Jody, Sarah and Tracey for the advice and hugs.... I put a post on EB and got a lot of mixed repsonses and a bit of ammunition..LOL.... I desperatly need to get that tablet for thrush cause Thomas and I just keep getting it over and over and I think its living in my breast tissue, But everytime i mention it I get the " do you really need it" look cause its $28 or something... ARGHHHHHHHHH MEN!!!!

Thomas weighed in ( sounds like biggest loser) at 5.2 kilos last wednesday and is 56cm long. What a little shorty... LOL.. Arkaydia is 7 weeks younger and is the same length. He is a midget...

Hols been both funny and a PITA lately. SOme of the stuff she comes out with is soo funny. Its really amazing how many things she picks up from me. I better start watching what I say i think. SHe keeps saying, "for christs sake".oops. She loves to play daycares and has started reading stories to Thomas when he is in his rocker. Its very cute to watch. I think she has finally accepted that he is here to stay.. About time...

God where does the time go....... Ok quick update on stuff...

GOt the results back from Hols tests.. She has central Apnoea which means she does pause in her breathign but her oxygen levels only drop by 2% so its not a major health problem and wont hurt her. SHe alos has Parasomnia which means she arouses during deep sleep often and this is when she sleep walks and sleep talks. There is nothing we can do about either of these so we just have to deal with the waking every hour... CRAZY. I have also taken her back to the peadiatrician for a reflux review and he has put her tablets up to 1.5 a day and we are to go back in a month to see how its going and decide if we take it up another dose...

Jay and I have been fighting constantly. The big issue is basically MONEY and I think Sleep deprivation isnt helping. He has basically taken all rights to money away from me and im not happy. TOmmorrow is my pay week which i usually get any stuff the kids need and pay laybys and stuff off and get nappies and scripts. Well Im not allowed to have the money and He will be in charge.. OH GRR.He is pissing me right off. WE had the biggest barney the other night and I was bawling and screaming at him that the kids and I were leaving. I had Thomas in my lap and looked down and the gorgeous little thing was looking up at me with sad puppy dog eyes. Was so cute. During our fight i came out and said something that I coudlnt stop once it started to blurt out. I said to jay " You get to be in charge of everything Im sick of it, I even named our son a name I didnt want just cuase you did".. Once I said it I thought OMG I must have had those feelings about his name buried deep. Didnt even realise I had issues with it..

Now On to THOMAS..... OMG i dont know what to do with him. THe poor little fella has reflux and I think it is getting worse rather then better. The last few days have been a nightmare. He is screaming and wanting to be held and fed all day. I thnk my milk supply is really low, I never feel full and a few time I have offered a bottle after he has guzzled. I dont kow whats going on.. Im thinking maybe it could be cause Im stressed and exhauseted and therefore im not making milk. I dunno... Im probably only getting about 3 hours sleep a night at the moment with Hols and him.....

Starting to get sleepy so Ill go for now and ill bbs....

Quick post to say OMG my baby is 3 months old.... Heres a pic I took today.. Isnt he just soooo devine....

Be back tommorrow for a rundown on the last week....