Big day today.. Did a family photo shoot this morning which was lots of fun, then got home and got the kids organised and headed to the park to meet up wiht my auntys to say goodbye to aunty Kim, who is moving back to Goulburn. Bit sad to see them go again.. Took a heap of photos of everyone with nan as well ( just in case its the last time they are togehter) my other aunty is down as well. ...

We have no money this week till Wednesday and we have no food. I dont know what we are going to eat for tea the nexxt few nights.. GRRR. probably pikelets. Im sick of this shit...

Anyway here is a few piccies of me and the kids. Kinda feel bad about how many photos I take of Thomas, but Hollie just isnt into posing and Thomas is just sooo easy to photograph... LOL. Dont you just love thomas Sad face.. TOO funny

So pissed off with Jay at the moment... He never came home after work lastnight and just went to the pub and said he would be home at half time in the footy. Well he never got home till 3am. I called his phone 37 times and left 5 messages. He never answered. God it makes me soo mad. He thinks I am being unreasonable by being pissed.... WTF... He also said that he always thought I wanted kids and he rekons I treat them like they are a burden... WTF>. Im so hurt by that...




Anyway.................................. Hols and I did some baking off some gingerbreads. We actually made some for Roxy, Tneesha and Koda wh are in SA at the moment but they have nearly all been eaten. Poor Hollie has her mothers binge eating habits..

Blew the calorie budget today by 180 calories... Bloody sausages I had for tea... GRRR..Could have evened it out if I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes but I was soo unmotivated. I tried to get on there earlier in the day and the kids tormented me and I only got 5 minutes in before I blew my stack with them.. GRR.

Here is a mini album I made for Roxy to take back to Adelaide with her of her boy ( thomas).. She is having her baby in about 10 days.. Very exciting. I cant wait to meet her...

I am Joining Jodi's new challenge of losing 50 pounds ( 22 kilos) in 50 weeks. It starts today.

Just weighed myself and the scales say 91 kilos. Im on day 2 of Period too and I always weigh more that day...... I do have my measurements somewhere ill find the piece of paper and put them down..

Ill be using Calorie King website to help me with my calorie intake..

i have an allowance of 1660 calories a day... Im gonna sit down tommorrow and read back through it and work out how long I have to do on the treadmill for weight loss.....

Wish my luck.... Be back tommorrow with some photos....

HOley crap.. Me have hangover... Didnt get home till 5am. Havent done that for like about 9 years or something.. LOL......

Had a ball, I love dancing. Makes me feel so free and young. ALthough i feel so old with all the girls at the regal. LOL.. I saw about 5 of the girls that used to be in my brownie group when I was a leader. GEEZ it made me feel old....

My fantastic freind Fiona offered abotu an hour before we had to go out to watch my kids. I was taking them with me to the 50th we went to and would have had to come home early. I wasnt looking forward to it. This beautiful friend packed up her kids and came and stayed the night and told me to stay out as long as I wanted. HOw nice is that. She then got up with my kids in the morning told me to go back to bed and she took them out.... SHe is a darling. Freinds like that are really worth gold.......


Kaysie

OMG long time no write.. Been a bit flat out around here. Between hospital visits and photo shoots..

Hols had another really bad asthma attack. Was quite scary. After being on nebuliser 3 times her oexygen was still at 88. God I hope she grows out of it.. Today she had to go physio to be assessed after the OT at preschool noticed her problems with balanace and confidence in outside play. The physio was fantastic. Its really hard to explian what she told me, but she talked about the fact that on Hollies left side her part of the brain that works out senses doesnt really work properly. She was showing me by touching Hollies right arm in 2 spots and making her point out where she touched ( which she could) then asking her by doing the same on the left but she always only pointed out one spot. Her brain couldnt register that there was two spots. She also finds it hard to copy patterns with her left arm... It was really interesting. WE just have to play a lot of games to help teach her brain those things. Physio also wants a back xray because her muscle tone is really tight and brisk..

Thomas is the wild boy from borneo still. His ear drum perforated the other day again. Poor little cherub. Im so worried that his hearing is going to be so affected. Still not really speaking though he says dare ( there) and go. Thats about it really. Loves to climb on the table and yesterday i found every peice of fruit in the fruit bowl with a chunk missing. Made me mad but was piss funny as well.

Few weekends ago I got to go out and get a bit pissy. How exciting for me.. I never get to go have fun. I had a great time. we went out with sal, lil, daniel, and mick. I was a tad stupid though and went swimming at 1am.. LOL.. HOl was still awake (grr) and was watching her mother be a dick head.. LOL...YOu get that..

I cant think of anythign else right now, surely my life has to be a bit more interesting then that..

Oh im joining jodis weightloss challenge 50 pound in 50 weeks... hmmm will see how i go, would love to lose it a lot quicker then that. Im the most unpatient person. I want it to happen now or never. LOL. Went and did aerobics on monday and did way too much and hurt my already suffering back. Went off to chiro today and he rekons I shouldnt do it again but I think ill just take it easier next time.

Ok so I thought i might show off a few of my latest shoots, cause they are allllll gorgeous kiddies...

This bubba claire is 12 days old..... Just devine little thing.












Ill just show my story board of this little guy Aidyn and Ill show a few of the others next time..

I receieved an email today from Scrapbook memories, accepting my Layout of Ian and Thomas for the mag... Im so excited.... I cant believe it. I just hope when they see it in real life they dont reject it.. LOL.

I have seen this video before a few times but someone ( hey sal) just linked me to it again and it just cracks me up so I gotta put it on here... My kids arent at the piano playing and school bus stage yet but I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sit here with my head nodding and laughing..

I just remembered I took a photo of HOllies eye.... It shows how her left one goes up but the right one doesnt. You can see why I thought it was her left eye that was the problem.

HUGE CONGRATS to my mate Sandy..... So excited for her...

Just got back from Tamworth had to take HOls to pead yesterday.. I HATE the peads in this bloody region.. GRRR ... Sick of being shrugged off about her reflux....

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Took Missy miranda ( HOllie) off to the eye specialist... She has a thing called browns syndrome. I thought it was actually her left eye turning wierd but its the fact that her right eye doesnt really move up.... Cant do anything about it unless its affecting her vision ( which it isnt at this point). We are having her eyes rechecked in 4 monhts just to make sure they are ok still....

I have NO idea what we are going to do about money.. I think im gonna have to go get a night job. I cant afford to pay for daycare if I only work part time and Im not getting enough photo shoots to keep us going. This week we have ZLICH for food. We have nothing in the freezer, and nothing in the fridge. I tried to take money out of the kids accounts today to grab some food but I there birth cert havent been recorded so I cant get it out till I show those. Hopefully ill do that tommorrow so I can get some food... I cant beleive how hard we are doing it at the moment. Have been looking in to getting the real estate to come up and price our house, and then maybe go back to something older maybe or rent if we can find something cheaper. Its not like we have a massive loan compared to some people, but we are struggling soo much.

I have been thinking about wanting another baby..If we could do the whole pregnancy thing naturally without having to worry about the suture and high risk pg as well, we would be TTC now... It just friggin frustrates me that shit has to be so bloody complicated...

dad bought over Hols bed that he made for her.... It looks awesome. She fell out of it lastnight while trying to come up to our bed though.. LOL.. Thatll serve her right, she should stay in her own bed. LOL.. pretty crappy pic but you get the idea..


When I got out of the shower this morning I bloody found Thomas up on top of it.. GRR little monkey....


Finally got Word back on my computer after like 8 momhts without it.. Was driving me crazy not being able to open my word files or use my spreadsheets... When I went back through I found this thing about my life before Jamie. Ive changed the Exs name to John.. LOL.. ( you know like in thats life where they protect the privacy).

The life I am living now, is very different to the life I was living 8 years ago. I left the family nest at 16 , after I wagged school and was arrested in a drug bust. The nun at my “catholic” school was not at all impressed and expelled me. My parents were ( as you can imagine) also not impressed and after a huge altercation I packed my bags and left. I moved into a flat with a group of blokes and before long was “hooked” up with one of them.

John* and I had a lovely relationship. We drank, smoked, did drugs, stole things and just bummed around waiting for the dole cheque each week. He was in and out of jail all the time. I got to a point where I decided I didn’t want that lifestyle anymore and I started looking for work and cleaned myself up. John was an alcoholic and drug addict and I was helping him support his habit. I would work all day and spend my nights following him around until he finally passed out.

I poured all my heart and soul into this relationship. I loved him with all my heart. I wanted to change him, and felt that I was sent to change him. I wanted a life like others had, with a partner that worked, didn’t waste there pay on alcohol, had a car and a license.

Johns verbal abuse had been happening for a long while, but then other things started to happen. I had a mirror smashed over my head, I was doused in petrol and my dog was killed in a jelous rage. He slit his wrists in front of me, saying that it was my fault he was doing it. How could I, the strong, confident, happy, determined women be letting this happen to me.

I started to realise that I deserved more then this. I wanted to feel loved and appreciated, so I started having a few affairs. Jamie ( dh) was a work mate who I had befriended. Things started to happen between us, but I just didn’t have the strength to end it with John. He needed me. My heart and head were in constant confliction over what was right for me. The last straw came when John took a knife to my throat during one of his drinking binges. At that moment, I realised, that my life was on the line here. I DID deserve something better.

It didn’t just become ok overnight. When Jamie finally moved in with me we faced another stage of the abuse. John harassed us no end. He did $2500 damage to Jamies car. He came past our house every night yelling threats of putting Jamie in hospital. I was terrified. My dad came and stayed one night to keep watch so I could sleep. I was a nervous wreck.

I developed severe panic disorder, depression and had a breakdown 2 years after this all happened. I was told it was post traumatic stress from my relationship with John and the consequences of when I broke up with him.

My life has changed so much, and when I think about who I used to be, I just cannot imagine it. I cant imagine being in that place and in my head. I look at photos of me back then and it just makes me so sad. I look happy on the outside but I was so lonely on the inside. When I tell people about it they struggle to comprehend that I let that happen to me.

OMG My sweet daughter has turned into a monster with attitude.. LOL... She has done nothing but winge and moan and winge some more... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The other day when I was testing out the filters on my studio lights I asked her to stand there so I could test soemthing...When I looked back over the photos I couldnt beleive this one of her...
IVF clinic rang today chasing some money for storage.. The lady asked me what we were going to do with the ebmryos and I said one hopefully use them. She pointed out that if we got them transferred we wouldnt need to pay the current bill and would avoid the next instalment going on and it would actually be cheaper to do a transfer with them then store them once we got our medicare money back. The only problem is that we have to coem up with the money first.. HMM what to do...

I received soem gorgeous flowers on Saturday from the gorgeous girls from my mothers group. They were to cheer me up and gee it worked, they are soo beautiful and smell devine. I also got a pack of lavendar bath stuff..

better go keep doing the nightly tidy..

A few scrapping pages I have done ( was about a month ago but Im slack)....

AHHH school is back... YAY.. I love preschool... House is quite. THomas is asleep and its just heaven.

Kids are ok, Thomas on new antibiotics and he seems to be making a lot more noises and stuff. So thats pretty exciting... Hols has the cast off and is being a cheeky brat..

Jay and I have been fighting realy bad for about 2 months now. WE just cant get on. I think I resent him for still having the same life before kids. He just does his own thing and I am the parent all the time. It doesnt seem fair..

Last Wednesday night he rang me after work and said that Daniel wanted him to go to the pub for a drink cause he needed to talk to him. Ok so one drink is fine....

At 7pm Jay rings me and says he is leaving his car at work and will get a lift home at 8:30. Was crying as he was telling me that Daniel is moving away. It got to 11pm and he wasnt home. Sent him amessage and got one in return saying.. Sorry babe ill be home soon..

The kids wouldnt settle so at 12:30am I put them in to bed with me and went to sleep. At 2:30am a huge bang on the front door, I didnt know who the hell it was so freaked out. It ended up being Jays mate Daniel. He said Jay didnt want to walk home so he was sleeping at work. He never came home at all... I was in shock I just couldnt beleve it. He didnt even come up home in the morning for a shower... It just shattered me..... Anyway we will see where the next month or so takes us and see if we can get back on track...

One of my ex boyfreinds is back in town.... AHHHH He was my first BIG love. THe one I left home for. Just what I need back in my life right now... LOL.. He has custody of his 12 year old son and has moved back here..

The kids and I went to the drs the other day. I have to be tested for diabetes, Sugars are high, bp is high.. ARGGHHH jsut what I need.. I also got bit by a spider last week... Mentioned to dr about Hollies eye that turns. He gave us a referal to Optemtrist. WE got straight in and they have referred her to an eye specialist. The referal said Muscle palsy so not sure what that means..


Took the kids to the show.. They had a ball.. heres afew happy snaps..

This PP jacket she has on I scored from vinnies for $2.. I love it, its so warm and its like new. I love a bargain. LOL

Sweet Hollie turned 4 on Tuesday.. Holey dooley that went sooo fast.... Its scary...

She had a nice bday with freinds coming and going all day to wish her a happy bday> It was her last day with the plaster on her arm, cause the next day they decided to take it off. It still looks pretty odd to me and even in the xray the bone didnt look straight.. Guess im not expert.

Here is the yummy icecream cake I made. And some pics of HOls and her little freind koda.. .
We had a cake at nan and pops house in the night time. My parents just adore Hollie. Its so nice to watch them together..
Couple of funny things to note down before I forget. Cant wait for Hol to be able to read through all the funny things she says when she is older.

Hol just said... Dad wasnt very nice lastnight was he mum, he was talking crap.. LOL...

She came out lastnight crying after being in bed and said " my imagination scared me"..

Had to take Thomas back to the dr today cause his ears are both infected again. ARGH just wish we could get the grommits. He only finished Abs on Monday . This is just bloody ridiculous....

OMG ive been a bit missing havent I..... Life seems so full of drama at the moment. Kinda like days of our drearies. Some things I cant talk about though, cause they arent my stories to tell . LOL..

Kids are driving me batty.. THomas is the type of child I never wanted to experience. LOL The climber, the adventurer, the risk taker. He freaks me out that kid. Last week we had to go to emergency cause he got the lid of a bottle of panadol and drank it. Brand new bottle. He is ok though. Apparenlty they dont put enough in the bottle to fully overdose and I did find a little on the floor. He has split his lip twice, and also ripped that bit of skin up in the top of your mouth. The kid never stops climbing stuff. He can run now, I dont like it. Ive had to put the gate up outisde the bathroom because so far we have lost 10 rolls of dunny paper in the dunny, hols shoe, my hair products and makeup and hair brushes. The kid is obsessed with the dunny. Im starting to avoid going to visit people cause its just too hard.. He wont sit still..

He loves to give cuddles which I really love. I was scared I would have a non affectionate ratbag but he is really affectionate and loves to cuddle. He adores his mummy. Been trying to teach him a few more words but he isnt really that interested. Guess when you cant hear properly its hard. He is still on Antibiotics. If I could find $1000 i could have the surgery done next week in Sydney. Funnily enough I cant. GRR So we have another 4 months to go to have it done in Tamworth..

Hols had to go to the plaster clinic last week and I was so sick I couldnt drive her there. After much moaning and fighting and winging Jay took her for me. SHe had a beautiful bright pink cast put on. Specialist said the bone had moved back out but they were hoping that this new cast that is tighter would help move it back in to place and we live this one on for 3 weeks then xray again and then maybe pins will be needed if no improvment..

Well missy decided to put her cast in the bath tub and fill it with water. SO we had to head to tamworth again to have a new plaster put on. I saw what jay meant about the bone looking the same as the day she broke it when they changed it. Her wrist looks awful... This time she chose green. LOL. Im thinking that she did the water thing on purpose so the green would go with her new top.. LOL. She is supposed to be wearing the sling but the little turd fights with me about it daily GRR. That kid never stops talking.

Truly I have never heard ANYONE talk so much. Its insane, and gee I dont mean to stop her talking and being so imaginative but sometimes it drives me around the wall, when she tells me who to be and what to say and what to do, and "is that alright mum". She does my head in...Everything we do or anywhere we go is a game. If someone rings the house she runs to the phone and she pretends we are a daycare centre. LOL. WHen jay rang the other day she told him that I was looking after the children in the blue room.. LOL..

I have decided to look for some night or weekend work or something. WE cant keep living with no money. WE have had $3 since Friday and that is all we have till Wed. WE have done no shopping and we have no fuel. Its just ridiculous and Im sick of living like this. I feel like we owe money everywhere at the moment. Our stupid health insurance has gone up again and Im feeling like maybe we should drop it. $62 a week is ridiculous. Need to sit down and weigh up the pros and cons I think.

I keep getting people ringing for weddings but I wont do them until I get a second digital, Jay just doenst understand why. He thinks I should take my film camera for back up. Well if I do that I have to have the film in my bag ready to go. 13 rolls of film is another expense if I dont end up using them.... I have been asked about buying a local photo shop and its something I really want to do but I don think the timing is right at this point. Too hard with little kids. Its exactly what I want to do. Minilab and studio in my own town. Hepas of room upstairs for scrap classes and I would put scrap supplies in the shop since ther eisnt anywhere in town that sells it. ahhhh too many decisions.. Just need someone to decide for me. LOL..

Better go to bed the kids will be up nice and early now that daylight savings is over... I love daylight savings...

Just running through with a few pics.. lifes hectic. lol
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