Thomas turned two last week can you beleive it.. My precious little baby is 2. He had a lovely bday and got spoilt. Absolutely loved his scooter. It was a total hit.. Was a hard day for me. Jamie came over for lunch and cake but it just felt so wierd that we arent together.
Jamie has told me that we are over. He has met another girl and is getting to know her. Ive been begging him to come back and going totally insane and pyscho with jelousy. I cant control and it seems so god damn stupid. I went to counselling the other day which really helped and I have moved my focus back onto me. I have never been alone in my life. I have gone from relationship to relationship. I dont know how to be with myself, and how to love myself. I have so much work to do on this and I am really starting to look forward to the journey of finding me.
I went out with the girls on the weekend and had an awesome time. We had soo much fun. They make me laugh so hard and that feels really really good to have no worries and just laugh about stuff. I did have a little minor bump in the road during the night and rang jay with abuse and sent lots of text messages. I wont be doing this anymore though. Im moving forward.
My cousin is being induced at the moment with her first baby. Im so excited for her and her husband. What a new and daunting experience it will be for them. A new baby brings sooo many changes. I dont think we ever really connected after we had our kids. Sounds really wierd and ironic but now I think back, I think after Hollie was born we started to drift away. Maybe it was something to do with the extra responsibility and her being a difficult baby then starting the IVF for Thomas when she was 12 months and we were still dealing with her being a shit baby. Maybe we just took all too fast, and forgot about us along away.
Must go cause i have a kid free night and I dont feel the best so off to watch a dvd and chill out....
