Friday, May 23, 2008

I receieved an email today from Scrapbook memories, accepting my Layout of Ian and Thomas for the mag... Im so excited.... I cant believe it. I just hope when they see it in real life they dont reject it.. LOL.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I have seen this video before a few times but someone ( hey sal) just linked me to it again and it just cracks me up so I gotta put it on here... My kids arent at the piano playing and school bus stage yet but I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sit here with my head nodding and laughing..

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I just remembered I took a photo of HOllies eye.... It shows how her left one goes up but the right one doesnt. You can see why I thought it was her left eye that was the problem.

HUGE CONGRATS to my mate Sandy..... So excited for her...

Just got back from Tamworth had to take HOls to pead yesterday.. I HATE the peads in this bloody region.. GRRR ... Sick of being shrugged off about her reflux....


Monday, May 12, 2008

Took Missy miranda ( HOllie) off to the eye specialist... She has a thing called browns syndrome. I thought it was actually her left eye turning wierd but its the fact that her right eye doesnt really move up.... Cant do anything about it unless its affecting her vision ( which it isnt at this point). We are having her eyes rechecked in 4 monhts just to make sure they are ok still....

I have NO idea what we are going to do about money.. I think im gonna have to go get a night job. I cant afford to pay for daycare if I only work part time and Im not getting enough photo shoots to keep us going. This week we have ZLICH for food. We have nothing in the freezer, and nothing in the fridge. I tried to take money out of the kids accounts today to grab some food but I there birth cert havent been recorded so I cant get it out till I show those. Hopefully ill do that tommorrow so I can get some food... I cant beleive how hard we are doing it at the moment. Have been looking in to getting the real estate to come up and price our house, and then maybe go back to something older maybe or rent if we can find something cheaper. Its not like we have a massive loan compared to some people, but we are struggling soo much.

I have been thinking about wanting another baby..If we could do the whole pregnancy thing naturally without having to worry about the suture and high risk pg as well, we would be TTC now... It just friggin frustrates me that shit has to be so bloody complicated...

dad bought over Hols bed that he made for her.... It looks awesome. She fell out of it lastnight while trying to come up to our bed though.. LOL.. Thatll serve her right, she should stay in her own bed. LOL.. pretty crappy pic but you get the idea..

When I got out of the shower this morning I bloody found Thomas up on top of it.. GRR little monkey....

Finally got Word back on my computer after like 8 momhts without it.. Was driving me crazy not being able to open my word files or use my spreadsheets... When I went back through I found this thing about my life before Jamie. Ive changed the Exs name to John.. LOL.. ( you know like in thats life where they protect the privacy).

The life I am living now, is very different to the life I was living 8 years ago. I left the family nest at 16 , after I wagged school and was arrested in a drug bust. The nun at my “catholic” school was not at all impressed and expelled me. My parents were ( as you can imagine) also not impressed and after a huge altercation I packed my bags and left. I moved into a flat with a group of blokes and before long was “hooked” up with one of them.

John* and I had a lovely relationship. We drank, smoked, did drugs, stole things and just bummed around waiting for the dole cheque each week. He was in and out of jail all the time. I got to a point where I decided I didn’t want that lifestyle anymore and I started looking for work and cleaned myself up. John was an alcoholic and drug addict and I was helping him support his habit. I would work all day and spend my nights following him around until he finally passed out.

I poured all my heart and soul into this relationship. I loved him with all my heart. I wanted to change him, and felt that I was sent to change him. I wanted a life like others had, with a partner that worked, didn’t waste there pay on alcohol, had a car and a license.

Johns verbal abuse had been happening for a long while, but then other things started to happen. I had a mirror smashed over my head, I was doused in petrol and my dog was killed in a jelous rage. He slit his wrists in front of me, saying that it was my fault he was doing it. How could I, the strong, confident, happy, determined women be letting this happen to me.

I started to realise that I deserved more then this. I wanted to feel loved and appreciated, so I started having a few affairs. Jamie ( dh) was a work mate who I had befriended. Things started to happen between us, but I just didn’t have the strength to end it with John. He needed me. My heart and head were in constant confliction over what was right for me. The last straw came when John took a knife to my throat during one of his drinking binges. At that moment, I realised, that my life was on the line here. I DID deserve something better.

It didn’t just become ok overnight. When Jamie finally moved in with me we faced another stage of the abuse. John harassed us no end. He did $2500 damage to Jamies car. He came past our house every night yelling threats of putting Jamie in hospital. I was terrified. My dad came and stayed one night to keep watch so I could sleep. I was a nervous wreck.

I developed severe panic disorder, depression and had a breakdown 2 years after this all happened. I was told it was post traumatic stress from my relationship with John and the consequences of when I broke up with him.

My life has changed so much, and when I think about who I used to be, I just cannot imagine it. I cant imagine being in that place and in my head. I look at photos of me back then and it just makes me so sad. I look happy on the outside but I was so lonely on the inside. When I tell people about it they struggle to comprehend that I let that happen to me.

Monday, May 05, 2008

OMG My sweet daughter has turned into a monster with attitude.. LOL... She has done nothing but winge and moan and winge some more... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The other day when I was testing out the filters on my studio lights I asked her to stand there so I could test soemthing...When I looked back over the photos I couldnt beleive this one of her...
IVF clinic rang today chasing some money for storage.. The lady asked me what we were going to do with the ebmryos and I said one hopefully use them. She pointed out that if we got them transferred we wouldnt need to pay the current bill and would avoid the next instalment going on and it would actually be cheaper to do a transfer with them then store them once we got our medicare money back. The only problem is that we have to coem up with the money first.. HMM what to do...

I received soem gorgeous flowers on Saturday from the gorgeous girls from my mothers group. They were to cheer me up and gee it worked, they are soo beautiful and smell devine. I also got a pack of lavendar bath stuff..

better go keep doing the nightly tidy..