Arent kids just sooo amazing.... ..
They are just little sponges..

I love the age Thomas is at. THe new things he is learning the funny things he does... He has a few new words, says Dora, cold, hot, pop, zahlia, door, bottle, bath, shower, tar, car... Before when I ran the bath he went and grabbed his ear plugs for me to put in for him. I love when they do stuff like that. He loves to unpack the table and is soo proud of himself when he puts things away. So so cute..

Today we ended up at hospital cause he had asthma attack. he was soo good while we were there. Poor little possum was really struggling. They wanted to keep him in but i begged to manage him at home. They said yes on the provado ( is that a word or did i just make it up) that if he needs nebs under 3 hourly he has to go back. We only just made the 3 hours last time but I think that the prendisone has kicked in now and he seems to be doing a lot better.

Hollie went with Daddy tonight just in case I had to head back to the hospital Shes really funny lately about our fighting. Whenever we start she tells me to zip it and stop it. She must be so sick of it. I try not to fight in front of them but its all we seem to do at teh moment..

I have had a rough few days with lots of crying. When i was really sobbing yesterday, Hollie came up to me and said " Mums arent supposed to cry" then was telling me just to breath in ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and out ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... HOw gorgeous is that. Kids are just so amazing sometimes...


Ive been going out a fair bit of late and getting a wee bit feral and doing idiotic things.. Im wondering if the alcohol has to do with the feeling really down. It happens usually the sunday monday Tuesday, so maybe it is a side effect of alcohol and anti depressents.

I must update more often. Its so therupeautic writing down the thoughts that are going through my mind. Lots of stuff I need to put on a private journal though cause I hold back on what i write in here at times and I really need to get the stuff out there...

BFN

Here come the tears... Today is fall apart day....

I just dont know what to do. I feel like im stuck in limbo. Jay and I just cant talk to each other. Its so sad cause we were so in love once. I just want us back to how it used to be.

I feel so alone. I feel so unloved. My heart hurts.....

I dont know how this is going to end up. I really want to be a family again. I dont want my kids having to spend xmas in two places.

Hollie asked jay earlier if we can have a family lunch tommorrow. HOw sweet. Today while i sobbed she wrapped her little arms around me and told me it would be ok.....