I had to come back to town today to do a talk about a calander im taking photos for. Its on tommorrow but with Agquip on I didnt want to have to leave Tamworth an hour earlier to get here in time with all the extra traffic.....

So the kids and I are home and Jay has left and gone to his mums.. Feel a bit sad and lonely now.

Tried to find out about some counselling.. Looks like we will have to go to Tamworth. Nothing available here. Really think we need to get some help to work through all this. We just keep blaming each other and noone is going forward.

He says its me that has driven him away.

He rekons I dont treat the kids well and I yell at them.

He doesnt realise how hard it really is to be a SAHM with them 24 hours a day. I never get a break, I never get to just not have to worry about them for 5 minutes, I never get to go to the dunny on my own or do my excercise without someone climbing all over me, or have a shower without someone pulling hte door open saying MUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM.... SUre I love my kids but do I really have to LOVE being with them every second.

Feeling a bit lonely now.

Hollie just asked to go ring daddy to say she loves him.......The kids dont quite love me as much they love there dad. I guess because he is a novelty and they only see him sparodically, Im just a part of the furniture to them....

Well I did it.. I left and went to mums....

Jay wouldnt Leave even after I packed his siht and through it out the front....

I just cant deal with the drinking and erratic behaviour. I DO want to be a family again, I just want him to work through his problems. Dad wants me to pack my shit and just get out of there, but I dont want that for my kids. They love there dad and he does love them. It could be a lot worse and sometimes I feel like im just over reacting but I dont want to live like this. Its not fair on any of us....

I cant really devulge what fully went on the other night but its just not acceptable..

I am fine, the kids are fine and dont really know whats going on. Im too mad to be sad about it all..

well so much for the great start.. Jay got home some time after 3am... SO over it..