Monday, August 18, 2008

I had to come back to town today to do a talk about a calander im taking photos for. Its on tommorrow but with Agquip on I didnt want to have to leave Tamworth an hour earlier to get here in time with all the extra traffic.....

So the kids and I are home and Jay has left and gone to his mums.. Feel a bit sad and lonely now.

Tried to find out about some counselling.. Looks like we will have to go to Tamworth. Nothing available here. Really think we need to get some help to work through all this. We just keep blaming each other and noone is going forward.

He says its me that has driven him away.

He rekons I dont treat the kids well and I yell at them.

He doesnt realise how hard it really is to be a SAHM with them 24 hours a day. I never get a break, I never get to just not have to worry about them for 5 minutes, I never get to go to the dunny on my own or do my excercise without someone climbing all over me, or have a shower without someone pulling hte door open saying MUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM.... SUre I love my kids but do I really have to LOVE being with them every second.

Feeling a bit lonely now.

Hollie just asked to go ring daddy to say she loves him.......The kids dont quite love me as much they love there dad. I guess because he is a novelty and they only see him sparodically, Im just a part of the furniture to them....


Jodi said...

Oh Kays!!!
I was wondering where you guys were, I should have rang, but didnt want to do anything or say anything wrong... Im so sorry!
Your so very very brave to have done what you did Kays and you really do need to be commended for it.
Your right about your kids though, your "just Mum" your always there, they can always rely on you and thats the most important thing. Dads a novelty.
They do love you so very very much and dont ever doubt that. You are doing what is best for them and for yourself. You ahve the right to have a life too, outside of being a mother. Its so important otherwise you will loose who you are!!!
Be strong Kays. I love you and your babies. If you need me im always always here for you even though i dont see you that often and your just across the road!!!
Hugs to the kids

Kaysie said...

awweee sweet.... made me cry....


Angela said...

Kays, please know that your kids do love you like nothing else. It is hard when it feels like our lives revolve only around our children and being a SAHM so your feelings are completely understandable. Is it possible for you to leave the kids with some family or friends for a few hours while you go and do something just for you? If i lived closer, i'd be there in a heartbeat.

I have you in my thoughts atm.

Kaysie said...

oh ange your so gorgeous.... Im hoping that jay will take them on sunday to spend time with them then i can sit and scrap.. LOL.....

Exactly what you wrote is what im trying to get Jay to understand... Sure im lucky to be with the kids at home but I feel like my life is nothing else.. I dont know who I am...

Thanks again babe

Cant beleive your girls are one... where does time go :(

Taddyj said...

Oh mate!
I haven't read your blog for a bit! Your very brave! You deserve so much more than the things that have happened. I've never met you IRL, but bloody hell have we gas bagged on MSN enough, lol, you don't deserve that mate! You need to put yourself first, and as selfish as it sounds, you even need to put yourself before your kids. You have to be at your best, so you can be the best for them. Your kids love you to bits, I've seen you with them on webcam and they always look so happy! Your an awesome Mum and your doing a great job! LOVE YOURSELF!
You know where I am if you wanna chat, stay strong!

Anonymous said...

hi ya kays! So sorry to read about all the crap in your life at the moment, but I admire your strength! Life as a SAHM is tough and I am lucky enough to have days to myself when the kids are in daycare and I havent been offered any work, I treasure these days and they keep me sane. I know what you mean about dad's being the do!
Take Care sweetie, and I hope you are able to get some counselling and sort some things out... maybe some space will help him realise what he is missing! Big Hugs!