ahhhh where am I up tooo.. Lastnight I spent the night at the hospital with thomas. He has a chest infection and an ear infection.Lastnight he was grunting a and I counted his respirations and they were a bit fast so I rang the hospital and they said to bring him in and they kept him... The beds for the parents in that place are so bloody uncomfy. When I get rich Im gonna donate some comfy ones..LOL....

Jay and I are still not discussing money cause everytime we do we fight, so Im just selling a few things on ebay to get some more things off ebay ( lol) for the kids.. Thanks to Jody, Sarah and Tracey for the advice and hugs.... I put a post on EB and got a lot of mixed repsonses and a bit of ammunition..LOL.... I desperatly need to get that tablet for thrush cause Thomas and I just keep getting it over and over and I think its living in my breast tissue, But everytime i mention it I get the " do you really need it" look cause its $28 or something... ARGHHHHHHHHH MEN!!!!

Thomas weighed in ( sounds like biggest loser) at 5.2 kilos last wednesday and is 56cm long. What a little shorty... LOL.. Arkaydia is 7 weeks younger and is the same length. He is a midget...

Hols been both funny and a PITA lately. SOme of the stuff she comes out with is soo funny. Its really amazing how many things she picks up from me. I better start watching what I say i think. SHe keeps saying, "for christs sake".oops. She loves to play daycares and has started reading stories to Thomas when he is in his rocker. Its very cute to watch. I think she has finally accepted that he is here to stay.. About time...

God where does the time go....... Ok quick update on stuff...

GOt the results back from Hols tests.. She has central Apnoea which means she does pause in her breathign but her oxygen levels only drop by 2% so its not a major health problem and wont hurt her. SHe alos has Parasomnia which means she arouses during deep sleep often and this is when she sleep walks and sleep talks. There is nothing we can do about either of these so we just have to deal with the waking every hour... CRAZY. I have also taken her back to the peadiatrician for a reflux review and he has put her tablets up to 1.5 a day and we are to go back in a month to see how its going and decide if we take it up another dose...

Jay and I have been fighting constantly. The big issue is basically MONEY and I think Sleep deprivation isnt helping. He has basically taken all rights to money away from me and im not happy. TOmmorrow is my pay week which i usually get any stuff the kids need and pay laybys and stuff off and get nappies and scripts. Well Im not allowed to have the money and He will be in charge.. OH GRR.He is pissing me right off. WE had the biggest barney the other night and I was bawling and screaming at him that the kids and I were leaving. I had Thomas in my lap and looked down and the gorgeous little thing was looking up at me with sad puppy dog eyes. Was so cute. During our fight i came out and said something that I coudlnt stop once it started to blurt out. I said to jay " You get to be in charge of everything Im sick of it, I even named our son a name I didnt want just cuase you did".. Once I said it I thought OMG I must have had those feelings about his name buried deep. Didnt even realise I had issues with it..

Now On to THOMAS..... OMG i dont know what to do with him. THe poor little fella has reflux and I think it is getting worse rather then better. The last few days have been a nightmare. He is screaming and wanting to be held and fed all day. I thnk my milk supply is really low, I never feel full and a few time I have offered a bottle after he has guzzled. I dont kow whats going on.. Im thinking maybe it could be cause Im stressed and exhauseted and therefore im not making milk. I dunno... Im probably only getting about 3 hours sleep a night at the moment with Hols and him.....

Starting to get sleepy so Ill go for now and ill bbs....

Quick post to say OMG my baby is 3 months old.... Heres a pic I took today.. Isnt he just soooo devine....

Be back tommorrow for a rundown on the last week....

A beautiful moment happened tonight. I was layinng with Hol on her bed and sgrabbed my face in her hands and said "I love you much mummy".... Its moments like that that just melt mt eart and make me realise what a lovely little girl she is. She is so loving and quite often throughout the day she asks me for a littl hug..

The other day she came out wiht "what a dickhead" thanks to her dad while he was watching footy. I love it when she says."I found it you can stop looking now" when she is looking for something.. SOOOO CUTE>>

Thomas has done nothing but scream for 3 days. Im totally and utterly exhausted. Jay even stayed hoem this morning till 11am from work so I could go get a little bit of sleep... On saturday Thomas did a few huge smiles and was looking out the door smiling. They are still few and far between but at least he is having a go..

Im so frustrated with our money situation at the moment. I think im going to either get my butt in to gear and go full slog in the photography studio or get some night work while Jay is at home with the kids. Its hard with a new baby to do lots of photo shoots. I had a wedding booking for end of the year but I had to refer her on to my old collegue cause its just so hard to do a wedding when you have a new baby and dont know what your nights leading up to it will be like..

We took the kids to the show on Friday night, Hollie had a ball. Pity we ran out of money.. I love the face painting hol had done. I think i wanted it done more then she did LOL...

I finally got around to do a layout...Not that brilliant but Hey its a layout..

I dont think I have done a post without photos for so long. I just cant help myself with these cute kids of mine.. LOL

These photos are of HOls ( and thomas) in the dress that Hollysangel bought Hollie for her bday. Both her and I just love it.. LOL...




I took these photos of Thomas in his little outfit that Hollysangel also bought him when he was born. Its a 00000 but was a big one. They were taken on the 17th of April he had his huge growth spurt just after this so I dont think it would fit now.

Today we went and had thomas weighed and he has definately had his 6 week growth spurt in the last couple of weeks ( he is 6 weeks corrected). He now weighs a whopping 10 pound 6 and is 53cm long. Today he is 11 weeks old. Where has that time gone??

Im not sure how to write this, but Im having ISSUES with Thomas being chubby. Or I guess its when people say he is chubby. Or actually I guess its when people say, he doesnt look like a premmie.. OH I DONT KNOW... Sounds really stupid but it feels like the journey we have been on is being minimised.. ohhh i dont know it sounds soo ridiculous..... I posted on eb about it and some of the girls got the gist of it...
here is a couple of replies that helped me see im not an idiot.

I think you've hit the nail on the head yourself, and I feel like that a lot with DD2 (strangely not so with DD1, who was my bigger chubbier premmie). People try to help, but sometimes we interpret the things they say as making our experiences insignificant. We still need to grieve the loss of pregnancy, troubled starts and experiences that didn't go how they should have.

It was only last week I was chatting to some Mums and they were talking about what happens after the baby is born ie the nurses leave and it was scary as they didn't know how/when to feed, change nappies etc - and the sadness was overwhelming, I might have two babies but I don't know what they're talking about, and i'll never get to experience that sad.gif Similarly when I comment DD2 was 2 months early and the response is "oh she's fine now, that's all that matters" just makes me feel so small!

Talking about it does help though, probably the reason I respond to these types of questions with my own little vent grin.gif


I hear you Kays, the grieving process with premmies can be complicated. And it is okay to feel that way. Being 'just' five weeks premmie doesn't matter. When it involves something so precious, the emotions attached are always strong.

Ds is heading toward one year, and while every logical part of me knows I should be celebrating, my feelings are betraying me, and I am finding it difficult to keep the lid on them. Maybe I shouldn't, but then to outsiders I look ungrateful for this little blessing.

I just want to be normal.

Well Thomas has been screaming all afternoon and Im just totatlly and utterly depleted of any energy. I cant even speak im sooo tired..

I dont think i have said about Thomas going on to losec for his reflux.. poor darlin.. Cant believe i got another one.. He cries a lot and is quite a lot of pain from colic an reflux, it just isnt fair. Hate seeing my kids in pain.....

Im one handed typing again so thats it for today