The life of a Riley

OK i really need to update....

Jamie and I are still seperated. Im not sure what is going to happen or how it will work out in the end. Last week when i walked out of my counselling session he was waiting in the waiting room for his session and when he saw me he burst in to tears. He said he was ok till he saw me. We hugged and had a little talk and then I left so he could go to his session. Im not sure if it helped or not.

I have been making a really huge effort to fix the things he is saying that are the reason he goes out drinking and doenst want to be around me. I dont feel like he has made any effort. The frist weekend after he moved out, he went out. I had a huge panic attack and rang his mums looking for him and she said he was out. That was at 2am. I was so hurt.

On the weekend I had to work taking some photos and then I went out. Jays mum had the kids when i first left and he was supposed to take over after baseball. He never turned up. I saw him at the regal and he tried to dirty dance with me. We had a few fights and tehn he dissapeared. At the end of the night i tried to find him and he was gone so I thought he had just gone back to my house where the kids were but when i got there his mum hadnt seen him. She was a bit worried about him I think, but when she got home in the morning he had gone back there.

Today we have just fought and fought. Im so angry I just want to slap him. He says that he is seperated so he should be able to go out when ever he wants. But then says that I need to change my ways before he comes back. So why doesnt he have to change his ways for me.. I dont get it and im starting to get to the point that I just want it over and I can think about moving on.

The kids finally had there grommits done on monday. Ended up getting htem done together. Wasnt too bad. Was kinda hard when I had thomas in recovery screaming and I had to go in to theatre bay with Hollie to send her off to sleep. Thomas woke up scremaing his ring out so they gave him some morphine and they gave it to Hollie before she came out. She didnt agree with it all that well and vomited a few times and had the itches. Overall it wasnt too bad. VERY tiring but ok. My friggin car broke down on the way to the hospital at 6:30am which is just my luck.. LOL.. Heres a few pics dad took at the hospital.