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Today we went and had thomas weighed and he has definately had his 6 week growth spurt in the last couple of weeks ( he is 6 weeks corrected). He now weighs a whopping 10 pound 6 and is 53cm long. Today he is 11 weeks old. Where has that time gone??
Im not sure how to write this, but Im having ISSUES with Thomas being chubby. Or I guess its when people say he is chubby. Or actually I guess its when people say, he doesnt look like a premmie.. OH I DONT KNOW... Sounds really stupid but it feels like the journey we have been on is being minimised.. ohhh i dont know it sounds soo ridiculous..... I posted on eb about it and some of the girls got the gist of it...
here is a couple of replies that helped me see im not an idiot.
I think you've hit the nail on the head yourself, and I feel like that a lot with DD2 (strangely not so with DD1, who was my bigger chubbier premmie). People try to help, but sometimes we interpret the things they say as making our experiences insignificant. We still need to grieve the loss of pregnancy, troubled starts and experiences that didn't go how they should have.
It was only last week I was chatting to some Mums and they were talking about what happens after the baby is born ie the nurses leave and it was scary as they didn't know how/when to feed, change nappies etc - and the sadness was overwhelming, I might have two babies but I don't know what they're talking about, and i'll never get to experience that sad.gif Similarly when I comment DD2 was 2 months early and the response is "oh she's fine now, that's all that matters" just makes me feel so small!
Talking about it does help though, probably the reason I respond to these types of questions with my own little vent grin.gif
I hear you Kays, the grieving process with premmies can be complicated. And it is okay to feel that way. Being 'just' five weeks premmie doesn't matter. When it involves something so precious, the emotions attached are always strong.
Ds is heading toward one year, and while every logical part of me knows I should be celebrating, my feelings are betraying me, and I am finding it difficult to keep the lid on them. Maybe I shouldn't, but then to outsiders I look ungrateful for this little blessing.
I just want to be normal.
Well Thomas has been screaming all afternoon and Im just totatlly and utterly depleted of any energy. I cant even speak im sooo tired..
1 comment:
I can see what you mean, especially with the comments you have included that other Premmie Mums have said about it as well.
I know that people are only trying to be nice but downplaying what you have been through (or am going through) doesn't help at all.
Although I don't have any first hand knowledge of this I will say that i don't think your feelings are crazy or unreasonable. It makes perfect sense to me that you would feel like that.
{{{hugs}}}
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