The life of a Riley

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh more pregnancys grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. How am i supposed to feel? I mean i cant be mad at the people for getting pregnant but got it makes me so, so mad. Why does it have to be so hard for some and easy for others....

The other news I got today, is someone that I am quite close to is 3 months pg and having an abortion due to a very sticky situation. I was so hurt she wasnt going to tell me but i got it out of her. The funny thing is Im not mad at her. But i would be if it was anyone else. I guess I love her too much to blame her. I support her in whatever choice she ends up making, as i know its tearing her apart. Shes seen the baby as well which is making her choices even harder. Im not allowed to talk about it with anyone either which makes it harder for me. I need someone to bounce my thoughts off, so bloggily boo thats you.

Only 4 more sleeps till beta. I have, funnily enough coped extremeley well since transfer. I WILL not to a HPT this time. I cant say im calm, as I think about it a few times a day and feel a bit sick about the thought of antoher failure, but im not going off my head like usual. I think im turning bitter.

Today is Mothers day and Hols is being a feral. As I sit here, i can hear her in her room trashing it. She should be sleeping. THis is the second time we have tried today.

signing off
Kaysie