TO start with just have to say OMG i won a little prize on Jodys blog... SOme yummy scrapping stuff. If my internet speed wasnt capped Id go get the link.. LOL... Im so excited...
Friday was a bit of a hard day. Finally decided to admit to myself that I think I have PND. I know it sounds strange since I havent actually gone of my antidepressants but I guess I just need an increase. I was hoping to go to my GP and feel like I had a lot of support but I felt the total opposite. He just said to me " why would you be depressed, you have what you wanted". That is one of the reasons I didnt want to admit it. I dont understand myself. I just handed him the list that I had written down and he read through it. I had written on my list that I have a fear of self harming and he kind of laughed it off and said Why would you want to hurt yourself. It took soo much effort for me to go in there and say all that to him that I just felt gutted and shot down.
He prescribed me to go up to 2 of my tablets a day. Thing is i cant afford $60 a month for tablets. We are struggling just coming up with $30 a month for them. I also need to go have some counselling, so Ill sort that out tommorrow.
I just feel BLERGH... I have no motivation, Im just going around in circles with my house leaving things incomplete, i cant make decisions, I dont want to be touched or talked to, I have no libido, I feel numb, I feel unemotional like i just exist, Dont take pride in myself, cant be bothered going anywhere or talking to anyone, Terrified of hurting myself.....
Now I have a headache just going through all those thoughts again.
When I told jay I had made an appointment on friday and what is was for he said " cant you wait till Wednesday till you get paid". That shocked me and just made me feel like he really doesnt give a crap. I made the appointment on friday cause if I put it off again I just wouldnt go...I feel really hurt that the money was his first thought.
Thomas has had an awful 2 days.. Just screaming and not settling. Jay thinks he is teething cause his hands are shoved in his mouth and he is dribbling. I had th esame thought but cant see any signs of any teeth..
Hollie has just been a maniac today. That girl has anger issues which I think come from her lack of sleep. Im sooo over the nights in this house. Lastnight I had about 2 hours all up. I was up and down with her putting her back to bed every hour then feeding him. I cant do this anymore. I just want her to sleep and stay in her own bed.....
Best be going to bed...
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8 comments:
Hiya hun
You know I am here for you if you need to talk,as for that bloody dr.what a #$%%,find someone else hun,he doesn't sound liek a very good doctor!! Hugs and please msg me whenever you need to talk xxx Will send off that parcel asap,I am not well and neither has Luke so haven't been able to do much :( but I will do it and I hope it cheers you up xx
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this Kays. Your Dr sounds like a bit of a moron. I hope you get all the help you need sweetie.
Oh Kays, your post has made me cry.
That doctor sounds like a twat. Find another doctor and get that counselling. I wish I had the right words to make you love yourself and make you feel better. Please take care of yourself and remember you are a special person and deserve nothing but happiness.
xxx Deb
Hi hun
Sorry you're struggling at the moment. Whilst our circumstances are different I do have some understanding of what you are going through because emotionally at the moment I am in the same place you are. Whilst I am blessed to have an Angel of a GP and I don't have any kids here on earth the rest of the post I could have written, right down to the financial aspect as for my pharmacy bill this fortnight alone I had to find nearly $200. Because my medical costs are so high financially I live from one fortnight's pension to the next. This past pension by the time I paid nearly $200 to the pharmacy, rent and bills that were due this fortnight there was literally nothing left to do any grocery shopping. Just as well I don't have much of an appetite cause I'm rationed to two meals per day until Friday! Couple financial pressures, health, day to day life and for you kids and a husband into the mix and life can most certainly be a struggle. I don't say all this to burden you but to let you know that whilst we walk different journeys I do have some understanding of how life can be difficult and how damn hard it can be some days just to get out of bed and try to fake that you're actually functioning so PLEASE know that I'm here anytime - I know sometimes even picking up the mobile to send a text can be just too hard but know that I am only a text message away.
Take care hun.
Kaysie, I'm so sorry you are feeling so awful. I agree with the other girls, if you can find another doctor it might be a good idea. I hope your counselling help ease things a bit. {{hugs}}
I'm sorry also to hear about your gp GRRR. I know only too well how hard it is to walk into that docs office and lay your heart out on the line and to have that response is neglegance in my opinion!
My gp did the same type of thing when I finally asked for AD's so I left him and found a gp that would help and a Psych to monitor my AD's and provide some councilling! Could you maybe ring beyond blue and talk to someone there? they might know of some free councilling services as well? I have spoken to the girls on the phone before and they are really helpful and just a good ear to listen.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Kays.
Hi Sweets, Just catching up on some blogs. I have to say that your Dr needs some serious help. I had shocking depression after having Brodie and my Dr was very supportive - It was actually my Dr who said I needed meds - I said but I should be happy after everything I had been through but I just feel this big black cloud all of the time. I hope you can get the support you need. Not only after everything to TTC your babies but also that your little man came early - You have had a huge emotional mountain to climb over
WTF is wrong with your GP? What an asshole. Is there another GP you can go to instead? Your GP should be able to ring up the appropriate government dept to get a special approval number to put on your script so that you can have twice as many tablets without having to pay any extra. Sorry your husband is being a dick.
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