Today was my OB appointment... Got to hear babys heartbeat. Was going along really strong. Blood pressure is great. Told him about the SPD and he said " OMG its gonna be a loong pg for you".LOL.. Asked him about if he would do the ceaser at 37.5 weeks before he goes on holidays, he said he doesnt want to commit to that just yet and we will disucss it down the track. He said he would really like to do it for me and he understands why I want him to do, but he said so much can happen that he doesnt want to make promises. It made me feel better though that he didnt just say NO. He gave Hollie a balloon and he thought it was pretty cool that she bought her own stethescope along..LOL.

He said I can do a few more things at home like vaccuming and washing and stuff ( thank god the house is a mess) but he doesnt want me to do more then I have to. Wants me to be off my feet when things start to feel heavy and Im not to do any lifting.. IE was told not to carry the basket to the line.. SO I guess I just need to be sensible and know my limits. On Wednesday I know I did too much, I could just feel it and I HAD to sit down before I collapsed.

I was just reading through Kim archers blog ( ive been a bit behind LOL) and OMG she was in Gunnedah last month. She went and did some classes at the big keepit retreat. I really want to go to that this year but didnt have the money.... DUH.. I was just so excited when I saw that she said she went to a lovely little country town called Gunnedah.. Is that lame or what?( that im excited, not that she came here LMAO)

Im at mum and dads at the moment. Mums home sick so Hollie is in having a sleep with her. Jay will come over tommorrow afternoon after work and we will stay again tommorrow night and go home on Sunday. I think my brother and his wife are coming home tommorrow too so that will be nice to catch up..

bye for now
kaysie

Its been a few days since I have updated. Ive had a lot of thoughts running around in my head with even a panic attack thrown in there but just couldnt quite get the words or the thoughts down..

I was 15 weeks yesterday... TOok a photo but I just look way to gross to share it... LOL, dont wanna scare you...

Jay has gone back to work so its just me in the grubb. I still get yelled at everytime I do something and its driving me mental. I asked him could I do something the other day and he said " if we lose this baby its YOUR fault, Ill blame you forever". OMG I was crushed.. I know he was angry when he said it and apologised profusley later but it was on my mind all day and night...

Hol has been in undies for 3 days now... Had a bit of a messy incident today that I just cant talk about or ill heave. Pregnancy and TT doesnt go well together.

Heres a few pictures ive taken while laying around and crap, its hard to take photos when you cant squat....

Bye for now

Just adding this here for roxy so she knows how pg she is...LOL

OMG Im sooooo spoilt. The beautiful girls on EB put in and got me a DVD player and got some stuff for HOllie.... WE are very lucky. I cant beleive people that dont even know me would do that for me, shows me that there still are good people in the world. Im absolutley shocked.....

Took some photos ( from the lounge LOL) of Hollie opening her pressies. She was sooo excited. Not sure if it will let me upload them though... Ill try.. GRRRRR try again later......

Back from having the stitch in.All went ok I think. I had a general this time instead of the spinal so that was good cause the spinal always takes awhile to get in to my crooked spine. They put maxolon in my drip this time so that was fantastic, the ventolin makes me soooo sick. The ventolin stops any contractions. THe stitch was put in at 3cm this time, rather then the 1cm like Hollie which is a relief. Still bleeding but hopefully that will settle soon. COuple of more days of bed rest then I can start doing a few things again. CANT WAIT.

I had all the same midwives looking after me that I had when Hollie was born, so that was nice to talk to them all again. Just a shame that you cant have the baby there anymore and can only be transferred after its born..

Picked up the camera on Tuesday, now i just owe Mr Harvey Norman lots of money, Lukily he isnt charging me interest for 4 years. LOL. Heres a few shots of Hol I have taken from the lounge and bed.LOL

Just a quick update to say the baby is still hanging in there. Was sucking its thumb on the ultrasound and we could see its tiny fingers...... My OB had been ringing my GP all day worried about the baby cause he hadnt called yet. I like that, it means he cares.....

While I was there he stuck a scalpel in my cyst..... It hurt like Hell. I just about fainted.....

Off to hospital tommorrow

Bye for now

Just wanted to post a digital Lo I did yesterday while I was completely and utterly BORED.....NOt very flash, but I havent done one for awhile.

Just had my Ex boyfrends sister come and visit. That was really nice, cause we used to be so close but havent spent time together for a few years....

Do you ever think back to a place in your past and think that back then you would have never dreamed that you would be who you are now? I never thought I would ever have to do IVF or be high risk pregnancy. THought it would just come easy cause I wanted it so bad. If I had of stayed in the relationship I was in ( with an abusive, alcholic, drug addict) I would never of had the chance to have a child. I always blamed the fact we couldnt get pregnant on him and his alcohol. No way in the world I would have thought it was me. In a way Im glad that I couldnt fall pg to him, I would still be there and chained to him for life. I cant imagine myself in that life anymore. I cant beleive I was once there.

Ok enough reminescing ( sp?). Im only having spotting when having a shower cause im standing up for a long period ( was told that would happen), besides that I have had No more bleeding. I havent moved off the lounges since I got homw though. Only to go to the toilet and lay back down.

You know when I was in hospital, I couldnt stop thinking about if I lost this baby how I would cope watching Net, faith, Roxy, Lee and Penny have there babies. OMG it would tear me apart and probably ruin all the relationships I have with them.

Yesterday I had to whip down to the dr to show him this bloody painful thing I have on my back. Called Denise ( nurse that used to run playgroup) to come over and have a look for me. She came and said I needed it to be seen to cause it was red and inflamed. The dr said it is an infected subacious cyst, doesnt that sound lovely?.LOL. He has given me some antibiotics but crikey its still killing me..

Jay and Hols have gone to the baseball presentation so Im home alone, bored off my nut. Hope they dont stay out too late, as Hol isnt 100% and she is really tired.

Keep forgetting to mention that I ordered my new camera. Its a cannon 30d digital SLR. This will be my first digital SLR. Im a bit scared about giving my film SLR a flick to the back of the cupboard :(. I get sooo hesitant about change. Anyway this is the new way of the photography world so I need to go with the flow. Have to admit im starting to get excited about playing with it. If its in Jay might pick it up Tuesday while im in hospital ( we have to pick it up in Tamworth)...

Bye for now.

Well ive been in hospital since early hours of monday morning. I woke up to go to the loo at 2am and I had lots of bright red bleeding. Thought I was going to pass out I was so freaked out. Rang the hospital and they told me to come in. I wanted to just drive myself there but NO Jay wouldnt have that, so we woke Hols up and bundled her into the car and off to the hospital.

I have been going absolutley crazy in there. I wasnt in materinity I was just in the general ward with 3 old ducks. The aboriginal lady that came into emergency not long after me has 11 bloody kids. SHe had people going in and out of emergency carrying on and then we got moved in the same room. She had ( no joke) about 50 visitors in one day. I had one visitor, Roxy....How sad.

he last couple of days ive been so scared that I havent been rubbing my belly or talking to bubs ( as i do) cause im just too scared. Last night when i could get anyone to listen with the doppler I was freaking cause I had a feeling things werent good. The morning sickness has just about gone, which scares me even more, pretty ironic since I just wanted it to dissapear..LOL Deb came on this mornign and checked with the doppler so that was reassuring.

My dr hasnt told me diddly squat so I asked my freind to check my notes and he didnt have a reason for bleeding written in there. When i went to sign out I was talking to the nursing manager ( who i know) and said I had a few spots this morning but the blood wasnt bright, as it was when I came in. She explained that cause I have an imcompetent cervix, whenever the cervix gets a bit of pressure on it ( ie me standing up and babies wieght on it) it thinks that it needs to start shortening and dialate. Which is where the bleeding is coming from apparently.

Im still off to hospital on Tuesday for the stitch and I will have a scan on Monday to ( in drs words) " check the preganacy is viable". What a horrible word.

I have just missed Hollie soooo much... Lastnight she said to me "you come home too mummy" I just bawled and bawled after she left. Today she is in daycare so I dont even get to see her again..

I am soooooooooooooooo itching to get up and do something... House is driving me nuts. GRR. Im only on toilet privledges still. WOnder if I will ge any visitors at home. Im so lonely :(

Love you little baby, Hang on for mummy....

The baby is ok...... Tears of relief..... Bicko did an ultrasound and the baby was jumping around and did a complete 360. It gave us a little wave too. He said the blood is just from around the baby somewhere but isnt a problem. I did have to go to hospital to have an ANTI D injection though cause I have O neg blood and I have now had blood pass the baby....

OMG I am so relieved
THanks for your messages girls
Kaysie

Im Bleeding :(..... Stupid hospital told me I had to ring OB ( who is an hour away), rang him he doesnt come in till after lunch, he will call me then. Started really freaking out so rang GP ( who has ultrasound machine in his room) and he is seeing me at 1pm......

Please god let the baby be ok....

Kaysie

Just sitting here watching a show on prime about IVF while I update in here. Sitting here in tears. Even the word IVF sends me into a blubbering mess. The fact that any couple should have to go through it breaks my heart. I might be pg, but Im still scarred from the whole process and the guilt I hold of not being able to get pg the normal way. Last night talking to my good IVF freind Robyn, who is still going through it all for number 2. I feel her pain, I really do. My heart and my soul just ache for herand the chance for her to give a sibling to Jack.

WOW the girl on this show got 15 eggs. Seems like so many in my eyes.The most I have got is 7. HEr mum is talking about the grief she feels for her daughter, having to go through it all. I hope with all my mite that HOllie never has to experience difficulty in concieving or carrying her babies.

Jays baseball team won the grandfinal yesterday. There first year up in B grade. Im reallyproud of him and the team, they definately werent the favourites to win. Jamie also won the umpires award for sportsmanship. It was absolutely freezing while we were watching. At one point we were sitting in this freezing cold sleety rain. Jay went out last night and didnt get home till 2 am so I didnt go to bed till 3am. Feeling it today....

THe girl on that show just had her baby. Its like an extra miracle to watch an IVF baby being born. Watching that look in there eye of disbelief that they finally have there baby in there arms..

Better get tea and stuff done...

I went to thank Kylie today for taking on that wedding.. Seems she never called the girl. GRR . I did ring the bride and leave a message for her to call me if she wasnt happy with what Kylie offered and I would find her something else, but she never rang so thought it was all ok.. GRR....

Was just looking up some stuff on that net and found a picture of what my uterus looks like.. THis is a unicornuate uterus, which is like a one sided uterus... Pretty amazing that that can carry a baby. My single tube is actually blocked and twisted so probably looks even a bit more freaky then that.

Morning sickness is still here. I think its worse mid afternoon and night time... Please go away....LOL..

Not much else happening. Hols is at daycare today so I washed the carpets and did the general everyday vaccum and mop crap. Jamie has gone and organised a cleaner to come in once a week while im on rest for 2 hours. Problem is its his aunty, I would have preferred someone else. SHe will just come in and do a good vaccum and mop for me and wipe the bathrroms over. I said to Jay " um i dont just do the vaccuming and mopping once a week" LOL. Men have NO IDEA!!!
I have hayfever today and my eyes wont stop watering. Its an absolute crappy day outside and its sooo freezing. Had to totally change the clothes I had laid out for Hollie, since yesterday was such a beautiful day...

I took these photos of my gfs little girl the other day. Wasnt a photoshoot just wanted to take some pics of her while she was in a good mood..

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the death of a fantastic guy, that was taken far too soon.....

Rest in peace Greg

Well we got to see the little "J-bean" on Friday.. Hol came with us and watned to know if she could tickle J-bean.LOL. It was jumping around and bouncing off the bottom of my uterus. Its little feet were crossed and it was throwing its arms around... VERY CUTE. When I get the scans back next week I will take some photos of them.

Yesterday was Jays baseball final. He made it into the grandfinal, so he is pretty chuffed about that. Was a Loooonggg day over there and it was soo hot in the sun. I got sunburnt between the boobs ( lol). Jay got very drunk and I ended up leaving him at the pub at about 8:30. He got home at 2am with his freind Luke. Luke was Paryletic and was apparenlty saying he was gonna drive his car into the river and stuff so Jay was trying to get him out of there. Jay sustained scratches and sore back from trying to carry him out. LOL

When they got back Luke ( who is a big guy) said he didnt want to sleep alone he needed someone to cuddle, so he tackled me to the ground and fell on top of me. SOOO lucky he didnt make me lose the baby as he hit me in the stomach. Jay felt really bad about it and had a cry ( in his drunken state) when we went to bed. Jay then wanted me to bring Hol into bed incase he went in and tried to cuddle her.... so it was a loonnnnggggg night....

Today is fathers day and we just had the the inlaws over and sal and Luke ( different luke) for lunch. I made Jay brekky but he was too sick to eat it... GRRRR....

Right this minute Hol is outside trying to talk to the little girl over next door.. Shes yelling out "girl" "girl". LOL too funny. Today she has been continually talking about FUTTERBLYS ( butterflys) Cracks me right up....