Here is a few more chrisssy photos..Love this one, she is just sooo gorgeous. I wanna eat her up..
with her Poppy.... I love this photo.... This is Jays dad, he has been through so much this year. He absolutely adores Hollie to bits. He is recovering from cancer and lots of chemo...With nanny. Hol looks soo much like her. Its hard to tell in this pic cause MIL eyes are closed. She usually wears glasses too, very rare to have a photo of her without them. I just love the way hols is holding her face... Hollie being the hostess with the mostess..... In her new swimmers

Well another xmas is over. We had a nice day with mum and dad staying xmas eve and waking up with us on xmas morning. I feel a bit bad as we really didnt have a lot of money to spend on Hollie and she didnt get a lot of pressies and a couple she got I had got from garage sales and stuff. I know it doesnt really matter and she had a nice day, but i feel kinda guilty for not being able to spoil her more.. She got a swing from santa ( really from my parents but she had been saying santa was going to bring it for her so we went along with it) and she still hasnt been on it yet. SHe is such a scardey little thing...

We packaged up the DUmmys on Xmas even and wrote a letter to Santa and left it on the table with the coke and bickies. LOL... Hollie picked out a special box from the shop and pacakged it all up by herself. She didnt even ask for it the first 2 nights but asked last night and wanted us to call santa up and get it back for her..LOL.. She got woody in exchange for the dummy and was pretty chuffed with that..




Another exciting thing that happened on xmas day was that I ticked over to 28 weeks. YAY. Im feeling every bit of it too. Been really sick today. The heartburn, reflux and constipation is just awful. Its so hard to deal with a naughty toddler when you feel like crap. But then again she can be so sweet as well. Today she had me in tears and then she came over to my and said " sorry mummy, I love you" "I wipe away your tears like daddy wipe away mine". How can she go from being so naughty to so loving. Anyway heres a photo of my big belly at 28 weeks...


Hols and I are heading away with mum and dad for a week at maitland. Im so sad that Jay cant come. I have never been away from him for that long but we are going down as my brothers baby is due the 1st of January and hoping to give them a hand in anyway we can. I am going to miss Jay like crazy. We have NEVER been a part that long. On the plus side though Im looking forward to having some help with Hollie through the day.

Ill come back and post some xmas pics tommorrow before I head off to Tamworth then we live first thing Friday morning..

Thought I better come and update since my ob appointment on Wed. Everything is looking ok. Ive lost 2 kilos since the last visit but he thinks that might have to do with not sleeping which leads to nausea, which leads to not wanting to eat. I dont have much of an appetite anyway. He also told us that he cant do the ceaser before he goes away at 37.5 weeks. He said the peads will kill him. Im absolutely shattered and terrified. The ob that will be doing it is nigerian. Hollebone said that he is a very good ob.

Baby is moving non stop and the movements are painful and make me feel ill. Ob said thats cause its run out of room in my joke of a uterus LOL ( well he didnt say that but thats my translation).I fell HUGE and my back is killing from holding my belly up. I have a fantastic waddle which Jay thinks is quite cute... I dont agree..lol..

I keep forgetting to say a HUGE thankyou to Narelle for my lovely pressi she sent me a few weeks ago. My box she made me is living on my scrap table. I love it. And Mel also sent me and Hollie a lovely pressi. Hol was so excited... 2 beautiful ladies that have been so good to me. Makes me feel like such an awful freind when I cant even make an effort to do something in return.

ALso havent mentioned how proud I am of Rach for becoming a MASTER... OMG that girl is unreal and totally talented... Shes inspiration to soo many people. A few of the other gorgeous eb scrappers got honorable mentions. Congrats to clair, dee and Amanda.... Well done girls

Heres some pics from when we put the tree up I forgot to show them off before.... DOH>>>

Just quick post to show what i made for Hols daycare girl thats leaving. Shes pretty upset about it cause it was not her choice. ANother girl got the full time position and another one is coming back from maternity leave. Her and hols have been close from the start... I will fill it with chockies in the morning......Not really that exciting.. LOL...But she'll like it.. Around the edge of her name i have drawn stitching out, looks heaps better IRL.
and her card i made...and a quick little calendar to go in her god mothers xmas pressie. Its just one of the smaller ones. Not all that exciting either but she will love it...

Well the scan was today...... and the news is GOOD... The placenta has moved up. Im sooo relieved. Still anterior but thats fine...... Little bugger wouldnt let us see its face, but it is head down bum up. Was kicking my ribs during hte scan.

Im soo exhausted at the moment and HOls has started being really trying again. She never stops talking and asking WHY, WHAT YOU DOING, BUT WHY......All the way to Tamworth today she wasnt quite ONCE... Its soooo tiring....

Heart burn is killing me, another hairy one I guess... LOL.... \

A freind of the families died of cancer the other day. She was only 33 with 2 young girls. Its so sad to think of what that awful disease does. If there was no cancer so many people I know would still be alive. Its just a cruel thing that doesnt seem fair... Dad keeps ringing me since then telling me that Im not allowed to have any more babies cause its too risky and too hard on my body and he doesnt want to lose me. Think Rikkis death has shaken him up since he was great freinds with her dad. I guess its nice to know he cares so much....

Some other news from today is that Father in Law is not not getting his old position back as manager at the dealership. Its a really LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG story so bare with me.....

The Place where Jay works is a car dealership. It used to be his parents dealership ( we actually met working there together). It used to be called Ian Eveleigh Motors. ( his dads name). In 2002 they went bankrupt and were basically shut down within 3 hours by AGC... We were just shocked and freaked out by it all. We had just signed bank contracts for the house loan and now jay had no job. Jays dad started talking to a big dealership in Tamworth that decided to take on the business as a branch of theres and Jays dad would manage it. Jay had to apply for a position and thankfully got it.. When Jays dad was diagnosed with cancer in February this year another sales man from the other dealership was put in the manager position temporarily till Ian was well enough to return to work. He has only just finished chemo and was offered a less stressful job in Tamworth until he was fully better( he is still very frail and tired). Today he was told he will not be getting his old position back in Gunnedah. Its very hard for Jay cause he feels for his dad and feels a bit guilty about staying on working for the people that have demoted his dad. It means his dad has to travel an hour to work everyday ( doesnt sound like much in the city but is out here). This was Ians business that he lost, his been through cancer that nearly killed him, and now he is doing something he doesnt want to be doing. I feel so sad for him and I only hope that he doesnt spiral into a deep depression...

Trust me to touch the blog and stuff it.. have to come back and add all my links again later.. (sigh)..

While im here ill add a couple of pics of hols getting her book.... Remember the flash didnt go off so they are pretty crap.. HOl loves that book so much. Its her FECIAL ( special) book. She is so proud of her paintings, Makes my heart melt..

LOng time no write.. I have been soooo busy proofing
photos.
Took some for Sister in Law last week and she wasnt happy wiht the way she looked so had to do another set on Friday. SO i have had to go through and proof the whole 400 of them... Lighting has been playing up so it wasnt a simple proofing procedure with the second lot.. GRRR..... SO I got to meet my new neice and took some gorgeous photos of her and my nephew. Ill include a few...


































Im 26 weeks tomorrow. Im huge and the baby never sleeps. It kicks non stop. Stitch is sore and the pressure is getting really bad. I nearly passed out in the main street on Tuesday I had to get help to the car and I layed down in there for awhile. Not sure what it was but Ive been dizzy and nauseous on and off all week. Off to have the GD test done on Thursday and then ultrasound Firday to see what the go is with the placenta....


CHRISTMAS is in 15 days. Im freaking out. I havent bought ONE present and dont have a cent to start buying any. Jay doesnt get commission till the 23rd then excepts me to do all the shopping that day. Im not even supposed to be walking around and its gonna be that hot...

HOls had her daycare xmas party lastnight. She had to go up and recieve her portfolio and she was so cute. Gave Jackie an extra hug and kiss. jackie is her favourite teacher and is leaving this year. Was so cute I got a photo of that ( not a very good one since my bloody flash decided to play silly buggers)... Jay and I also went to his work do last night which was pretty quite but ok.

I also had about 3 inches cut of Hols hair.. It looks sooo much tidier.....

Better go and do some thing I suppose

Quick post to add a LO.Colours are much warmer irl..
... Ill be back later for updates and other photos...

What a week... Ive been so busy.. Tuesday night I did a portrait of my gfs family. Really enjoyed that as I adore the kids lots. She has twins and a son thats 12 motnhs younger. Ive pretty much been there from the twins coming home from hospital so its so nice to watch them grow..Watching the girls together makes me want another girl so much more now. I know that chelsea and Lily are twins so have an extra special bond, but I think it would be so nice for Hol to have a sister....Ill add some pics..
WEdnesday I did some photo shoots at playgroup of the kids dressed up for santa photos. That was exhausting. Then I had to jump in the car and run over to the OB in tamworth. Our air conditioning in the car is broken so It was a very hot drive with it being 38 degrees. I havent been able to walk very well for over a week so had to go over and see the ob. Seems its just the position of the baby pushing on my already deformed spine.. While i was there we talked about my placenta. It is anterior and stiting across my scar at the moment. HE is sending me for a scan in a few weeks and if it hasnt moved it may be growing into the scar. He said if this is the case I will most likely have a hysterectomy at the time of the birth... Im feeling really sad about it all and at the moment just trying not to look to far ahead. I would really like at least one more baby. Bit sad if I have to have that decision made for me...

Anyway Wednesday arvo I was just soo sore and could hardly walk and it was so hot that i couldnt get the energy to drive home. So we ended up going out and staying at mum and dads house. I had NO clothes or anything but it was much better driving back early the next morning before it got to hot.. My nan was also staying at mum and dads cause she had day surgery in Tamworth to get rid of a cataract. She had to go back to see the specialist the next morning and the next we knew she was flown to sydney for emergency surgery. They said it was most probable she would lose her eye. She had got an infection in it.. SHe went in to theatre late thursday night and 4 hours later they finished with her still having her eye. At the moment things are ok.. ( touch wood)....

Ive nearly made 24 weeks. The next 4 weeks are sooo important gestation wise. I just dont feel like we are gonna make it as far as I did with HOls. The pains and pressure in my stitch have started already and I guess cause Im not resting as much as I did with Hol my body is telling me to slow down. SO stupid me goes and says that I will look after my girlfreinds 6 month old baby for 2 days a week till xmas cause she has to go back to work. Jay is not happy at all and told me im not allowed to do it.... Wish I just knew how to say NO...

I became an aunty today to Paige Melissa. Welcome to the world little cherub..... Not sure when I will see her, as they live a couple of ours away and I dont really get on with SIL. She was the one I was upset about being pg back at the start of my blog that takes ( and took while pg) lots of valium and pain killers.....

OMG How much of a poser is my daughter. Here is the photos from our xmas shoot. Shes so adorable I just wanna kiss her...LOL... TOday she was telling me all about how she wants to do tap dancing when she kids older. She is an absolute cakc with an awesome personality.. Her fave thing at the moment is doing jokes on us.. Today I asked her to bring me the phone and she said NO then she got it and said JUST JOKIN..... Shes a cack..

Help me choose which one for xmas cards...

OMG I have been so slack..... Have felt a tad exhausted and overwhelmed in the last week. Baby is kicking like crazy and I have had awful insomnia. Im back up on my tablets and feeling a LOT better. I havent been losing my cool with Hollie as much and just feeling ok about things in general. Just which the tiredness would leave me alone..

Hollie is so funny lately. She really does have an amazing personality. The things she comes out with blow me away.. Her new favourite words are "im excited" and "thats isgusting (disguting). Her TT is going pretty well atm. Very few accidents, which is probably keeping me a tad calmer as well...

Here is a picture my dad took of my belly last week. Im so slack that I havent even taken one for this week.... Promise to keep up again now...


I nearly forgot to add my LO that I finished early this week. I think i wrecked it withe journalling.. Oh well another one done... Feel like it needs something else in this top corner but cant get anything to look right...

Happy Anniversary to Jay and I today.... 6 years ago today I walked down the aisle....

Hols had another asthma attack today. Poor little thing. She couldnt even speak cause she was out of breath. I gave her the nebuliser at home but that didnt seem to help so had to take her to hospital. They stuck her on the nebuliser again twice in about half hour and her stats started to get a little better. We are on 2 hourly nebs atm... But at least we got to come home. If she gets anyworse I have to take her back... She is off her face from all the ventolin and is still wide awake at 10:40. Guess that means Jay and I wont be having any cuddle time tonight ( we cant have sex till the baby is here cause of the stitch so thats out of the question).

Now I have made the decision about the meds I feel sooo much better already. Today HOls and I had a tummy buggy thing.. blergh. I had sooo much I needed to do today. GRR. Tommorrow Mum and Dad are coming over and we are taking Mum and Nan out for the bdays. Tommorrow is also our 6 year wedding anniversary...OMG how fast did that go....

THought I would add a pic of me when I first started on my Meds 6 years ago.. I had lost soo much weight from the anxiety and panic attacks. I was a very sick girl. This was at BILS wedding. I look at this picutre and it reminds me of what Jay has been through with me. He was so patient through those awful months where I couldnt function. The night time trips to hospital, the phone calls of panic while he was at work. I put him through a lot of crap, and he stayed. He hates this picture. He hates the fact I got so thin and was so ill.

OK I have 2 great things that have made my day...

1. I got through to talk to someone about my meds from mother safe which is at Royal hospital for women in sydney. She was fantastic.. She did bring up about the new findings on aropax and birth defects ( which is the reason I have issues with it this time) but she said that is mainly if taken in the first trimester and the defect they are talking aobut is a hole in the heart. I also asked about all Hollies issues and she assured me it wasnt from taking the aropax. She said that Aropax is the safest drug fro breastfeeding, so that helped with my fear of it going through the milk making the baby unsettled.

I guess Im so terrified of having another really awful baby that screams 24/7 and want to do all I can to reduce that. I know that HOllie has reflux and that was and Is her main problem. The lady told me My AD's would NOT cause reflux. My gp did say I could go up when I asked awhile ago but it was more like a " Yeah whatever". I wanted someones opinion and the reasons. Now I have it.. Ive made the decision to go back up. I will go up slowly to 3/4 for a few days then Ill increase back to a full tablet.. THis is the Ph number for that place in case I or anyone else needs it 1800647848

2. A gorgeous girl called pauline from EB sent me a package of scrapping goodies today. I had No idea they were coming so did NOT expect it at all. Im blown away by her and the other girls on EB's generosity. Her parcel came on a day where I hadnt stopped crying and made my day so more cheery........ How will i ever repay all these beautiful women.......

Thanks for all your feedback on the meds. I appreciate it..

ARGGGHHHH I cannot do this shit anymore... I dont know where to start or how to say any of this. But im not coping. I need to go up to full dose on my Anti depressants but Im freaking out, I just want someone to tell me, YES DO IT.. Why am I having issues with it? I took them while I was pg with Hollie. But now Im wondering if she was such a shit baby cause of the AD's. I know she has bad reflux but what IF? I wasnt even told to go down, I just did myself. SO what is my issue.....

DH asks, Why cant I just be happy? I dont bloody know. If I did I would be. I dont want to be like this. I know Im much better then I was back 6 years when I first had my breakdown and was agorphobic. I know I have come such a long way. But I need help and there is nothing available till next year. I need to get back on track with my thoughts. I need that extra half a tablet.

I want to enjoy Hollie and DH and the pregnancy. I want that soooo much. I dont want to fight with Jay every day. I dont want to scream at HOllie. I grabbed her sooo hard yesterday cause I was just losing it. She said I hurt her :(. I dont want to do that. Shes my gorgeous gal I love her. The day before she accidently hit me with a toy and I ripped it out of her hand and through it across the room. She started crying and told me I scared her.. What sort of a mum am I.

I scored 25 on the edinburugh scale yesterday :(....

Rang the Psych/counsellor today. She cant see me till late January.. GRR I hate living in this place sometimes. GOing to ring GP tommorrow to talk about my meds again. I think i need to go up to my regular dose. I cant keep struggling through each day, each hour, each minute..

A freind of DHs bought Hollie a St George outfit last year but she hasnt really fitted into it. TOday she found it and dressed up in it.... HOw cute does she look.LOL.

Yesterday was jays BIRFDEE ( as hol says)... He turned a big 30.......... so we had a party. It was a nice party but I was disspointed for jay cause all his freinds were gone by 12 and they left and went the pub. He didnt have the money to go plus had heaps of grog.. He kept ringing one of his mates to come back. Made me feel really sad for him , but He tells me he is fine and had a great time. About 20 people less then what we thought were coming came so that was dissapointing too.

As I said Jay rekons he had a great time. I didnt go to bed till 5:30am and he and his mum ( LOL) didnt go to bed till 9am. His dad left at like 10pm and his mum said she would be home later.. She went home about lunch time today..LOL.. I think they both enjoyed spending that time together. Jay was filling her with jack daniels...LOL.

I bought Hol a new dress for the party ( a really summery one). SHe was sooo proud of it, and we kept it a secret from daddy till she was dressed it in. She was so excited to show it off. She told everyone at the party about it.LOL. The problem was it was so bloody cold. I had to put stockings underneath and mum bought her a little crochet cardy but it was still too cold, so she had another jacket over that... Ill add a pic. She was just sooooo cute..

Yesterday I got up at 5am so today im absolutely knackered.. Think im going to head straight to bed now ( well it is 9:45Pm).... Heres a few pics of Daddys bday...............

Jamie felt the baby move for the first time today.. I had to hold my breath and he had to push down on a little ..LOL, but he did feel it..

We went and saw the OB today. He is pretty happy with how bubby and I are going. ( god why do men have the TV so loud GRRR i cant think).....He told me that I have 9 weeks to go till he can reassure me Ill have a baby to bring home.. :( Thats a pretty wierd statment actually considering babies can actually die at all gestations... I guess he was just pointing out that I need to rest to get to that stage for our baby to have a chance. So I need to stop doing so much cause I overdid it on the weekend and I could feel the pressure on my cervix.

When we got home from Tamworth there was a message on the machine from daycare saying a second day is available for hollie.. Now im freaking out.. I know , I know Im a crazy women. But now Im feeling all guilty about her spending 2 days away from me. ARGGHH my mind drives me crazy.. I know we need to do this for this baby in my belly and for us as well but it just freaks me out.

I went out to the studio to test the lights the other day and Hol wouldnt sit there for me to photograph so I had to jump in with her... I look awful.. Didnt even brush my hair.. And why does my face look soooo round when it doesnt in the mirror.. grrrr...

Well its a new day.... HOls is at daycare, and I tell you what it was so hard for me to leave her today ( figure that out). Guess that i just feel like hugging her today cause I feel so bad about yesterday ( not that I did anything wrong- I just find it hard to be so tough, she is my miracle baby after all :( ) Last night I sobbed for hours, then jay came home and as we were going to bed we had a huge fight and i sobbed some more. He just went to sleep, and I ended up sitting up playing with my scrapping till 11:30. I feel like I have such a heavy heart at the moment. Each breath seems so hard to take. I REALLY need to ring that new psych, I have gone so off track.

Enough miserable crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heres a few pics i took of Missy Manda before she went feral yesterday.

Forgot to say yestserday that Mel sat on the other end of the puter with my mic on so she could help me through hols tantie. It was fantastic and I didnt give it... Thanks mel....

Thanks Chelsea for ringing and checking on me after reading my blog.. Your a darling....Cant wait to catch up again..

Last but NOT AT ALL LEAST....... Im excited to say my great freind Jessica had a baby girl yesterday. Well done Jess, Im so happy for you and your family. She has entered into a beautiful family and Im sure I sisters willl adore her..... Im sorry you didnt get the birth you wanted, but you and bubby are safe and thats all that counts.... Cant wait to hear what name you choose..