The life of a Riley

I havent talked about this in my blog before, but Im absolutely struggling with my anxiety and depression... I spoke to a good freind Holly, about it last week and she suggested I ask my dr about going back up on my Antidepressants. He didnt even tell me that I had to drop down but I just did it myself. Im just finding I cant cope with a lot of things at the moment. Im not sure if the Pregnancy hormones are making it tenfold or not. I stayed on a full tablet when I was pg with HOllie and I felt fantatsic. I thought since I coped so well last time that I would reduce it this time.

I still havent made the decision about if I will increase or not but I just wanted to put it on paper. My phsyciatrist told me that It is much better to take meds when pg then be stressed. Stress is apparenlty worse for the baby. But then the whole guilt starts about giving my baby my medication.

I only really need one thing to set me off and its a downward spiral, and its really hard to get back up. I guess the feelings about my love for Hollie and stuff is on my mind alot.

I guess i have a built up anxiety about this pregnancy, and having to go through all the stuff we did with Hollie. This time, with Hollie in our lives as well, the hospital stays and the bedrest is just going to be soo hard. Im hoping that my ob says, this time, I am just restricted in what I do and not actual bed rest, since we know my uterus can stretch.This all sounds ridiculous I guess when I just went through all that IVF to get pregnant.

This time the actual reality of what can go wrong with the stitch and the premature labour has hit soo much harder cause it took that much longer this time to actually get pregnant. It may not happen again :(.

Sadly, Roxys pop passed away this morning. May he be on his journey to a beautiful place of peace. I will be thinking of Roxy as she makes her LONG trip home to be with her family.....